You are exposed to people’s spotlights without seeing the painful journey that gets them there, and you want those spotlights for yourself, irrespective of who you are as a person and where you are on your own journey.
Why would you judge people based on look if you know beauty is not your strong suit? Why would you judge people based on money if you don’t have much yourself?
You’re not afraid to be emotional and you don’t try to avoid them, especially the negative and difficult ones. You let them happen to you while you understand that your emotions are temporary.
Don’t wait for him to treat you better. If he doesn’t treat you well now, well, what are you doing with him? Worse, what are you doing to yourself?
I don’t know if I will ever get what I want. I’m pretty certain I will lose and fail many, many times again. I will spiral into the pit of my depression and wish I could disappear because trying endlessly and not knowing my effort will ever amount to anything is exhausting and agonising.
I used to be in love with a hipster European boy. He was everything I wasn’t (and still am not). He rode a bike to work and around the city.
It’s terrifying to have to make all the important decisions not knowing if they are the right ones. But it’s also liberating and wonderfully exciting because I get to make all the important decisions. I get to live my life the way I think is best for me and this is all what matters.
I know depressed is not me. I’m so much more. That being said, yes, I can be depressed. It’s a truth that sometimes I’m convinced it’s best if I kill myself. What can I say? This is what I’m dealing with on a daily basis. It’s part of me.
Being strong isn’t putting up a cold, hard exterior to protect myself from getting hurt again. Being strong is loving and showing I care regardless. More than that, it means loving myself and choosing happiness every single day. And being strong is also being able to walk away from things that aren’t meant for me.
I know our lives are different but if you take a good look around you and within you if you put your energy in the right things and right people, those who choose you and see your values, you will have a completely different perspective — a positive one that’s worth living for.
It is harder and takes much longer for me to fall in love but once I do, I fall deep and for the right reasons.
A smart woman is also aware of her privileges, disadvantages and weaknesses. She doesn’t try to hide them but she faces them and grows with them.
Fortunately, over time, with effort, my anxiety has gotten so much better. I’ve noticed the improvements since I started filling my days with a variety of things that have helped me loosen up and fight off negative thoughts.
Please stop blaming, criticizing yourself so much. Give your precious body a break because she so deserves that. She has done a great job keeping you active, healthy, functional and yes, alive.