Why I’ve Decided to Get Married

Many studies have shown that men benefit a lot from marriage: higher earnings, better health, plenty of emotional support, and regular sex.

Meanwhile, for women, it’s debatable as, on average, women still shoulder more emotional labour, housework, and lose earnings when they’re pregnant and care for babies. Women also face a higher risk of repeated abuse and domestic violence compared to men.

There are plenty of caution tales out there to warn women against marriage. Heck, I’ve written about it before.

Yet, I still decided to get married.

Why?

I know why.

Don’t get me wrong —I was looking for a serious relationship, but it was never the be-all and end-all. I’d actually reconciled with being single forever.

But then I met my partner, and getting married became such a natural thing to do.

Let me give you a few reasons.

I love and need full-on commitment.

Marriage, to my partner and me, represents the highest level of commitment. It’s the natural next step for us after being in a relationship and loving each other very much.

We’ll be legally defined and recognised as a family by society. I love the sense of security that comes with it.

I want to have a child.

I remember someone saying many marriage laws are there to protect the children.

I do want to have a child in the future, so getting married is a way to provide the child with clearly defined parental figures and the social and financial benefits of being in a legally-defined family.

I love the ring (and gifts and flowers).

He proposed to me romantically with a ring I absolutely adore (and a long essay that made me cry!) I still can’t stop looking at it.

He also buys me nice gifts, surprises me with beautiful flowers, and spoils me with little things every day, so I must say (among other things) it was very hard to say no to his marriage offer!

I love having a big family.

He comes from a big family whom I’ve grown closer to and feel at home with.

His parents are wonderful and care for me like I’m their own child. They remember what I like and prepare it for me when I come over. His siblings and cousins are also very genuine and kind people that I get on well with. I have no doubt that when we have a child, we’ll get plenty of help from his (and also my) family.

I love being taken care of.

My partner takes care of me in every sense of that word.

Some examples:

He encouraged me to pursue my passion. He told me to not worry about things and he’s happy to support us while I’m building my career because we’re a team (I have savings and I do make money now, but he pulls most of the weight.)

Traveling with him is the easiest because he sorts everything out: packing, driving, researching, bringing me things I don’t remember…

Ranting with him is the most cathartic because he just gets it and he gives me all the attention. I always feel better after talking to him about everything.

If I mention some problems, he’d be all over it. He’d do his own research and find a solution for me. He’s very handy and helpful.

Today, my foot hurt after the gym. When I told my partner, he immediately called to check on me. After an almost 12-hour workday at the office, he came home and cooked me food while I was just in bed. He brought it to me, and as he saw me struggling, he hugged me and said the sweetest love you. Then we cuddled and watched a sci-fi show together.

His care and love are daily things.

I love our life together.

Everything has its trade-offs, but to me, being in a relationship, as I currently experience it, is worth it. It’s fun, meaningful, and satisfying.

I do have a very good life.

That said, I’m entering marriage with my eyes wide open. I know anything can happen, and things can get hard. That’s why I read, learn, and try to do things my way in my relationship/marriage to make sure it’s good for me and my partner.

Here are a few things I’m doing to make sure my relationship/marriage continues to serve me:

• Love mindfully — Never take my partner for granted.

• Maintain my personal security and self-awareness — I’m essentially responsible for myself. I’m my own person. I have an identity outside of the relationship (FYI, I’m not taking my partner’s last name.)

• Always put our relationship and marriage first — Have one child maximum; plan job moves and lifestyles that benefit our relationship.

• Be a team with my partner— Oh yes, he will know all about pregnancy and childbirth, how hard they are, and how much they cost the woman, me. Communication and negotiation to make both happy are key.

• Keep growing and becoming a better person and partner — We do it together.

• Be honest with myself and love myself — It’s the core of everything. I make sure I know my needs and I communicate them. I do things that I know will make me happy.

I’m getting married in a few months. I’ll keep you updated.