Are you feeling like you’re stuck in a rut and you don’t know what to do? I was there in my mid-20s. I managed to find my way through and turned my dreams into reality. And it did not happen by chance. It was through setting the right life priorities.

In this article, I’ll talk to you about the strategic thinking behind my priority setting that changed everything.

Hi, I’m Ellen. I moved to the UK at 17 to study and then work.

I’m 30 now, so it’s been a long journey.

There were many challenges and restrictions that made me feel overwhelmed, stuck, and lost.

I didn’t know where to start and was scared my future was doomed. I was crippled by anxiety and repeated failure.

But in my mid-20s, it all changed. Now, I have everything I’ve ever wanted — feeling light and happy, contentment, a happy marriage, a career I love, dual citizenship, and a home in London.

This transformation happened because of one crucial change I made.

I stopped trying to do too many things at once, focusing on the wrong areas, and instead, I zeroed in on a few key priorities in a structured order.

So, what are those things? In what order? And why does it matter?

Let’s get right into it.

The 80/20 Rule

Not all decisions are created equal. We all have limited time and energy, so we need to know where to put our resources for maximum impact.

When talking about life priorities, people often list things like health, well-being, relationships, career, finances, etc., as though they’re all mutually exclusive or can be ticked off one by one independently.

They often overlook how one area can significantly affect the others.

That’s where the 80/20 rule comes into play.

The 80/20 rule, also known as the Pareto Principle, states that 20% of inputs lead to 80% of outputs. This means that certain areas you focus on and actions you take can lead to significantly more impactful results than others.

For example, you need to study 10 modules to pass an exam, but 2 modules are tested 80% of the time. Not only that, these modules can also provide you with the base knowledge you need to easily learn the other 8 modules. So by putting effort into these 2 modules first, you have a winning strategy.

For me, the 20% that made the biggest difference to my overall well-being and happiness in my mid-20s and set me up for success in all areas of life were Healing and Relationships. Let me explain.

My first priority: Healing.

If you haven’t healed and have major unresolved issues from childhood, it will likely lead to choosing the wrong relationships, wrong jobs, and wrong places to live — it doesn’t matter how much expertise you have in these areas.

You might be at the height of your career but feel empty inside. You might be married but feel disconnected from your spouse or your life.

On a high level, for me, it involved stopping dating, going to therapy, spending time with loved ones, learning new hobbies, writing a book, and doing activities that helped me strengthen my sense of self.

After committing to healing and doing nothing else but heal, I became much more equipped to solve problems and achieve goals regardless of what they were. I was intentional. I knew my why. It probably also helped that I got through to my mid-20s when my frontal lobe finally fully developed. I was naturally calmer and more rational.

Healing was the key that opened up so many other things for me. It unlocked fulfillment in relationships in ways that I could have never felt before when I was so clouded by my issues, pain, shame, and all other negative emotions and experiences.

My next priority is relationships.

After focusing on healing, I turned to building and nurturing healthy relationships, my support system. This started with my relationship with myself.

I learned to appreciate my own company. I consistently engaged in activities that boosted my confidence and self-worth. For example, I learned to swim. I did Improv courses and even went on stage to perform. These activities had one thing in common: They made me present and get out of my comfort zone.

Then, I focused on my relationships with others, particularly my family, and finding a life partner.

Why relationships are important

Relationships are worth prioritising because they can impact all other areas of life. Research has shown that strong social connections contribute to a longer, healthier, and happier life. Close relationships can protect against life’s challenges, delay mental and physical decline, and predict better life satisfaction more effectively than social class, IQ, or even genetics.

So I surrounded myself with supportive and positive people who uplifted and inspired me. I learned to set boundaries and communicate my needs effectively. I changed my dating approach. Check out my dating guide if you’re interested in finding out more.

The outcome

Anyway, all these efforts led me to find my wonderful husband, who has added endless value to my life.

When I’m happy with myself and in my relationships, I’m much more relaxed and have more energy to do other things. When things get hard, I have a strong network to lean on and push me forward again. It’s like a central heating system that keeps me warm and cozy despite the rain and storms outside.

Over the last 5 years of being married to my husband, my life has flourished. Thanks to his love and support, I’ve achieved so many things in my professional life and grown so much as an individual.

When my mental and emotional well-being is taken care of, it feels like I’m pouring from a full cup. It allows me to develop other areas of my life like my career, my fitness, and my hobbies from a place of strength and love.

A Caveat

I know it sounds so simple but simple doesn’t mean easy. There’s no shortcut. You need to be patient with yourself on this journey.

That said, what worked for me might be different for you. You might have these things in order already. For you, your top, most impactful priority right now could be personal finances. Everyone’s 20% will be personal to them, depending on where they are in life. For example, in my early 20s, my top 1 priority wasn’t healing or relationships but my career, specifically getting a sponsored job in the UK. You need to reflect and identify the areas in your life that will make the most significant impact for you right now and from here onwards.

To even start setting priorities like these, you have to make sure all your basic needs are met. This includes having a safe place to live, basic healthcare and finances, and so on. If these fundamentals are not in order, then they should be your highest priority.

Parting Words

To wrap it up, remember that focusing on the right priorities can transform your life. Start with yourself. Self-investments always yield positive returns, which will create a ripple effect, improving every other aspect of your life. Don’t rush it. Be patient and trust the process.

Write down the top 1 or 2 priorities you want to focus on and again, think about the 20% of actions you can take that will drive the most impactful results for these top priorities. I believe you can have it all, though not all at the same time, but by working on it one by one over time.

And let me know in the comments what priorities you’re setting in your 20s!