13 Ways To Calm Your Dating Anxiety And Stop Your Texting Obsession

Dating is fun — but not when you’re obsessed over why someone hasn’t texted you back, even to the point where you neglect your own life.

While romantic relationships do constitute an important part of our lives, it shouldn’t take precedence over everything else, especially in the early stages of dating.

It is also unhealthy and self-sabotaging to be obsessed over a romantic prospect.

It’s a sign of having low self-esteem and other underlying emotional issues that cause you to seek validation from the outside and make you drawn to the constant highs and lows of toxic connections.

So how do you stop obsessing over someone and calm yourself down?

For now, remind yourself that nothing can be more interesting than what’s present in front of you right now. Why? It’s real. There’s life in it. Everything else is just a product of your imagination.

Here are a few practical things you could do to take your mind off dating and ease your anxiety while building yourself up:

1. Exercise.

Exercising is a good way to put the focus back on yourself. The endorphins will send you to a natural high and lead you to have a more positive outlook on life.

You can easily find a good workout video or program online or even participate in a fun fitness challenge and share your progress on social media.

Better yet, play a team sport (when the lockdown is over). When I tried to overcome my anxiety after a devastating breakup, I picked up badminton with a new group of friends. The competitive and social aspect of it helped clear my mind and even put me in a winner mindset.

2. Learn a new language

Instead of wondering why someone hasn’t texted you back, your time would be better spent on learning a new language that will help you expand both your personal and professional life.

Find a language that is close to your mother tongue or you personally find interesting. Connect with friends who speak this language. Travel to countries and join communities that speak this language when international borders are open. Your world will open up in no time!

3. Collect indoor plants

In your free time, you can look into collecting indoor plants and building a greener home for yourself. This will grow your love for your own space (and your own life) and give you a new wholesome object of “obsession”.

Houseplants are also known for their health benefits. They can improve your mood and productivity, reduce your stress and blood pressure, and increase pain tolerance.

Importantly, taking care of these green buddies will calm your mind and help detach you gradually from romantic rollercoasters.


4. Volunteer

Helping others will not only take your mind off dating but also away from yourself and your ego.

The benefits of volunteering are plenty: you can make new friends, learn new skills, have fun, even find meaning in your own life and, of course, make someone’s life better. How wonderful!

Personally, I spent my Saturday for a few months helping a charity group serve meals for the lonely elderly. The experience made me realise that my love life problems were tiny compared to all the struggles of the world. It helped me put things into perspective and have more empathy for myself.

5. Get to Know yourself intimately

The easiest answer to the question of how to be happily single is to prioritise your own well-being. Our hectic daily lives hardly present an opportunity for self-reflection and evaluation.

So, with the limited hours that we get to spend alone, we can get to know ourselves and learn to be emotionally mature.

A good strategy is to think about:

  • What are your current needs?

  • What can you actively do right now to meet these needs?

When you feel strong emotions, learn to sit with those feelings instead of acting on them. Those feelings will pass and you will realise that you don’t need anyone to ease your heart for you. You’re totally capable of calming yourself.

It takes us to the next point…

6. Write a journal

Writing a journal is therapeutic. In the process of writing and re-reading your own words, you will get to know your intimate thoughts better and be able to see things from an outsider’s perspective.

Writing is also a great way to slow down and reassure your anxious mind that things are okay, there’s no immediate danger so it could relax.

If you keep up this habit, over time, you will gain better insights into your inner working and learn to process your emotions in a peaceful and mature way instead of acting out impulsively or thinking your romantic partner is the solution.

For me, writing those “X lessons I learned” articles was insightful and therapeutic.

7. Join an improv class

The improv community is one of the most friendly, open-minded, accepting groups of people out there.

Doing improv will help improve your social skills, increase your confidence, and release your stress. It does wonders for your self-esteem as you become more comfortable being yourself. And, simply, it’s fun.

If you’re in the UK, there are many Improv schools and courses available to choose from.

You can also try it out by joining online classes at a low cost. After you’ve done a few courses, you also have the opportunity to go on stage and perform live to an audience, which was what I did. The thrill is more than wholesome.

8. Read empowering books

There are so many wonderful books out there that don’t just entertain and empower you but also have the potential to change your life forever, which includes showing you that there’s more to life than dating and obsessing why someone won’t give you the attention you deserve.

At some point, you might even want to join an online book club and make friends with like-minded people. When you have a community, you will feel more confident and purposeful.

Not to mention, reading will definitely make you more interesting as a conversationalist.

9. Get obsessed with self-care

It’s hard to find time in the busy week to follow a skincare regime, a healthy diet, or a workout routine.

That’s why when you have those spare minutes, instead of checking your phone for a new text message, get obsessed with your precious body instead.

Make a list of ways you could make yourself feel relaxed and de-stressed. Book a spa appointment. Take a long bath. Call your best friends and family and have a good venting session.

Furthermore, dedicating 8 hours to uninterrupted sleep is something you should immediately integrate into their daily routines.

Instead of lying awake scrolling mindlessly through different apps, switching off your devices and catching up with sleep will go a long way for your well-being and overall quality of life.

10. Check your insurance policy and call your doctors

If you have insurance, it’s time to look into it and call all your doctors. You don’t have to have an issue to start paying visits to your doctors. You should build relationships with your doctors especially now that you’re feeling well.

It’s about maintaining your well-being and preventing problems, consciously taking care of your body and mind, and understanding how you operate. It shows that you’re investing in yourself and you value yourself.

And when shit hits the fan, you know you have a professional “squad” to rely on for every aspect of your problems.

11. Make a vision board

Building yourself starts from envisioning your dream life. Make a list of goals and aspirations and look for images that represent them the best.

When necessary, photo-edit those images to personalise them and make them look real. Then print them out and hang them up where you can see them clearly and frequently.

By doing this, you will put your subconsciousness to work and you will feel more hopeful about the future and see for yourself that there are so many things you could do for yourself and don’t need a romantic interest for.

12. Show your loved ones your appreciation

When you’re feeling anxious about your dating life, you’re putting too much focus on yourself.

Your mind is muddled with all the worries about what someone thinks of you, whether someone likes you and all it does is that it generates negative energy.

To shift the energy, you can focus on making someone else happy, someone who you know will appreciate your gestures for them.

Try to make a pleasant surprise for a close friend. Visit them, send them a gift, cook a meal for them, write them a song, and so on.

There are plenty of ways to add joy to others and at the same time get to feel good about yourself.

13. Meditate

Meditation is one of the most fundamental treatments for anxiety. The great thing about meditation is that you can do it anywhere and anytime. You can find guided meditation videos on Youtube or go to classes to practice it with other people.

If you get into it, you might even want to consider going for weekend retreats. Silent retreats are also getting popular and they will help you become more present and connect with your core self. You will learn how to be still in the midst of hectic modern life.

The above are some examples that will easily take up your days and gradually lead to better physical and mental states of being — making you a much happier, more centered person.

If all else fails, you can always start with yourself.

What have you done lately that makes you feel yourself? What do you love doing? Do it more. Make time for it. Prioritise it. Let your inner child come out to play and leave the problems to the world.

Whether you’re forced to spend time alone because of the lockdown or you’re simply sick of getting carried away in love and want to focus on yourself, it is of utmost importance to ensure that your schedule includes a little bit of everything, especially things that have nothing to do with dating and relationships.

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