Dating as an Introvert is Hard: 5 Dating Struggles For Introverts
I’m an introvert, and I can say with confidence that dating as an introvert is hard!
Although I’m probably nowhere near the extreme on the introversion scale, I’m introverted enough to be the typical kind who prefers quietness and needs alone time to recharge.
Before we get into the nitty-gritty of dating as an introvert, it’s crucial to understand what being an introvert actually means. Introverts are individuals who find solace and energy in solitude. They thrive in quiet environments, often feeling drained after extensive socialising. This doesn’t mean they’re shy or antisocial; instead, they process experiences and thoughts internally and prefer deep, meaningful interactions over small talk.
Extroverts, conversely, are energized by social interactions. They enjoy being around people and often find themselves at the center of attention, thriving in lively environments.
So, what happens when an introvert steps into the dating scene? It’s a whole roller coaster of experiences!
Here are 5 dating struggles as an introvert:
1. Dating as an introvert means You always have to explain yourself.
As an introvert, I can’t remember how many times I had to tell the person I was on a date with that I’m being quiet doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying myself, it’s just my way of being (and probably my resting b*tch face), and that their rambling is actually much appreciated.
Indeed, I like to do the listening more than the talking and I’m not good at making small talk.
Actually, I hate small talk. All I could think of is to be like, let’s cut the BS.
I mean, no one really cares about what I had for lunch today and our lives could never be as cool as we make it out to be when we’re sitting here with a random stranger from the internet, going on and on about basic bitch stuff like how horrible Brit weather is.
So, maybe we should just be straightforward about what we really want from each other and how we expect this to be, then it would save both loads of saliva wasted. Oh, wait, I still need to tell the person opposite me that I’m actually having fun and nothing going on here on my face is personal.
2. Your first date impression is not reflective.
Dating as an introvert is not always straightforward. When an introvert meets a new person, we often close up and tend to be reserved.
It’s not because we’re shy but we just don’t feel that comfortable showing our feelings and true thoughts too soon, too easily.
We might be polite, friendly, and kind of plain but it’s totally just the tip of the iceberg. Only when we’re with our close friends and family, or the people who know us well, will the true monster be released.
Behind that typical impression of an introvert is a whole variety of the little things that make each of us unique. The quirks, the weird habits, the hidden dark humour. You name it.
Therefore, if someone judges us based on the first date when we’re out at a noisy bar, an environment unfamiliar and uncomfortable to us that only lets us show our socially acceptable side while secretly inside we’re all cute and weird and adorable, there would probably be no second date.
3. You come across different in person compared to texts.
In texts, we don’t have to experience the same anxiety as we do when we meet someone in person. Plus, we have the space we need to be truly ourselves. We could reply to the texts whenever we feel comfortable and construct the answer that makes us sound cool and funny, not to mention putting those flirty winking emojis and big X’s at the end of our texts to let someone know we’re interested.
Heck, we could even appear to be full-on extroverts if we want to be. However, in person, in the beginning, as an introvert, we would probably seem more aloof than we would like to be. Thus, we would risk being misunderstood as uninterested while we are simply being our natural self — no hard feeling there — and will soon open up once we get used to someone’s presence.
4. Your ideal date is indoors.
Dating as an introvert means being a little picky about date locations.
I don’t like noisy places nor drinking. The place I feel most comfortable with is inside the home or any place where I can cozy up with the other person and have a proper, quality conversation. Somehow when I’m indoors, I would feel more comfortable being honest and sharing my true feelings, or generally being more liberated.
However, it’s definitely not a good idea to suggest meeting up at either my or their place on the first date as it would definitely be interpreted as an offer for a f*ck-buddy or friends-with-benefits situation. So here we are, at a bar making small talk again. Dating as an introvert can be painful!
5. Dating as an introvert means Going on dates with new people again and again is a pain.
I have fun meeting new people but at the same time, I don’t. The idea of repeating the same stories about myself every time I go on a first date starts to bore me indefinitely, especially when I struggle with all of the above when dating as an introvert.
It gets to a point where I wish I could disappear just like that, in the middle of a date, no feeling weird being quiet, no finding an excuse to leave, or being awkward about the whole whether-we-want-to-see-each-other-again-or-not, or even saying any goodbye at all. Just be gone and go back to all the people who know how loveable I am. Like mom, or my dogs.
To be honest, if a person could just appear out of nowhere, be interested in me, and instantly know me well without all the going-on-date hard work we could go straight to snuggling up, making fun of each other, and having awesome sex, that would be great.
Solutions for Dating as an introvert
So, we’ve had a laugh (and maybe a groan) about the quirks of dating as an introvert. But hey, it’s not all doom and gloom.
There’s a silver lining, and it comes in the form of some nifty tricks and tips that can actually make dating a bit more bearable for us quiet types. Let’s roll up our sleeves and dive into some handy strategies that can turn the dating game from a series of awkward encounters into something we might actually enjoy.
Trust me, it’s possible, and here’s how we can do it.
1. Embrace Your Introversion in Dating
When dating as an introvert, it’s crucial to embrace your quiet side. This isn’t just a minor trait; it’s a huge part of who you are when dating. Let your date know that your introversion is your superpower in the dating world. It means you’re a great listener, you prefer meaningful conversations over small talk, and you’re all about deep connections. These are golden qualities in the dating scene!
2. Clear Communication in Introvert Dating
Mastering clear communication is a game-changer in dating as an introvert. It’s about letting your date understand your introverted tendencies. Need a quiet date environment? Prefer a day to recharge after socializing? Explaining this clearly can prevent a lot of mixed signals and help your date understand your perspective in the introverted dating world.
3. Choosing Comfortable Settings for Introvert Dating
Selecting the right venue is vital when dating as an introvert. If loud bars make you cringe, suggest a quiet coffee shop or a serene walk in the park. Places where you can actually connect and be heard are the secret spots for successful introvert dating. Comfort is key to letting your true self shine on a date.
4. Focus on Quality Over Quantity in Introvert Dating
For introverts, dating is more about quality connections than playing the numbers game. Take your time to find someone who really resonates with you. Remember, dating as an introvert is about depth and meaningful interaction, not how many dates you can squeeze into a weekend.
5. Take Breaks as Needed When Dating as an Introvert
Feeling overwhelmed by the dating scene is common for introverts. It’s completely okay to take a break and recharge your social batteries. This self-care aspect is essential in maintaining your well-being while dating as an introvert. Regroup, and then dive back into dating when you feel ready.
6. Understanding and Articulating Your Needs in Introvert Dating
In the world of introvert dating, being aware of and communicating your needs is essential. Whether it’s your preferred communication style or your ideal date setting, make sure to express these needs. This helps in building a mutually comfortable and understanding relationship while dating as an introvert.
7. Looking for Understanding Partners in Introvert Dating
The goal in dating as an introvert is to find someone who not only gets your introversion but also values it. Seek out partners who appreciate your depth, your thoughtfulness, and your need for space. A partner who understands the nuances of introvert dating is a partner worth holding onto.
8. Finding Joy in the Process of Dating as an Introvert
Lastly, try to view dating as an introvert as an enriching journey. Each date is a learning opportunity and a chance to discover new aspects of yourself and others. Embrace the ups and downs of dating as an introvert, and remember that every experience is a step towards finding the right connection.
