How I Found Happiness in Being Single

I used to be someone who always engaged in a relationship. It never took me a long time to get rid of one relationship when things fell apart, as the next thing was that someone new came in. In a nutshell, I had never been single for long.

I am 26 and have been single for almost a year as of the time I’m writing this piece.

I would say this is also the moment when I discover that being single isn’t awful.

I have no idea for how long to be precise I will remain single. I’m just grasping the confidence that the right person will come at the right time, and that is for sure when I am ready. There are some reasons: the past heartbreaks, the broken trust, and the desire for freedom or self-improvement. All of them underlie my decision.

One thing is sure: I’m not ready to begin a relationship right now — or anytime soon. This time, it is going to be about me and myself. I’ve just now learned how wonderful it is to be single. I never imagined it would give me the power I had never experienced before.

Freedom of time, space, and preference.

One of the great things I’ve come to realize about being single is freedom. I feel so relaxed as I have no responsibility towards the existence of someone else who can be considerably impacted by what I do. All of my time, space, and decision are on me.

When I was in a relationship, I was used to commitment. You know, the kind of commitment that usually emerges in a relationship. A commitment that makes me and my partner feel both recognized in the relationship. However, its absence now has surprised me in a way that makes me feel good about it.

I can go wherever I want, make friends with whoever I want without hesitation, I can do things without considering someone’s feelings, and I can sleep whenever I want. The last one might sound ridiculous, but have you ever lied to say you were going to sleep to your lover while you were surreptitiously not? Well, I have, that’s why this one should count.

The next thing I am going to mention may be trivial. However, it is such a huge relief I have never felt during my past relationships; there is no need to inform someone about my whereabouts, what I do, and with whom I go to someplace. I get to manage my own space according to my will.

This freedom allows me to devote my time to a variety of meaningful activities. One of them is to improve and develop myself; learn new things, spend more time with family and friends, and the most important one is to enjoy the time on my own. I can appreciate my space more peacefully without any of the distractions that a relationship might cause — you know.

Not depending on others teaches me to be self-sufficient.

Honestly, I am a clingy person who easily gets attached to someone I am comfortable with, let alone a boyfriend. When I was still dating back then, I communicated with my boyfriend almost every day, and I quite often asked him for help with things I had to do.

There is no such thing any longer. I thought it would be hard for me to adjust to being alone as there used to be someone to talk to, listen to, or give advice. It turned out otherwise, though. This situation has challenged me to face things alone instead.

When I find a problem, I look for a way out by myself. This also pushed me to learn a lot of things that I don’t think I would have learned if I were in a relationship. Of course, no person can live entirely alone since they will require the company of others, but it isn’t always about being in a relationship with a partner.

I’ve noticed while I’m single that many people around me love me. These are the ones who are there for me when I need them, whether they be friends or family. It gives me very positive energy. Apparently, feeling loved doesn’t always have to come from a lover, and the greatest lesson is that I now know I can stand on my own feet before going to somebody else.

I didn’t even think that being single would make me love myself more and feel confident. Sure, I will not deny that there are times when I feel insecure, but that’s also the part where I learn; accepting and loving every single flaw about myself.

I’m positive that almost everyone in a relationship has at least mutual expectations and needs for validation from their loved one in many aspects. I no longer face that, and the feeling I get when I don’t need someone to do or say something that aligns with my expectations is just amazing. Expectations, as we all know, are painful.

As being single treats me to practically go solo most of the time, my tendency of relying on and hoping for other people also gradually fade away, which I believe is a good thing.

Learning that happiness lies within me.

When I was in a relationship, I considered my partner my source of happiness. That, I suppose, is normal since people might feel happy or sad because of the person they love.

As time passes by without someone I refer to as a lover, I realize that I can be happy too. The happiness I’m talking about is not the one you share due to common feelings or experiences. It is a more diverse kind of happiness.

I may not be able to name them one by one, but every positive achievement by myself, the affection I freely receive from family or friends, and the pleasure from the pastime I do are some of the things that make me feel good about myself.

The things I described above were enough to open my eyes to the fact that the happiness I find within myself is the most essential thing. Given that relying on and expecting others leads to disappointment, I recognize that I should not place my happiness in the hands of others.

Maybe one day, when I go back into a relationship, I’ll understand that the only person who can genuinely make me happy is myself, and that is more than enough.

Being single has taught me a great deal. Not only practical values but also moral values in which I can appreciate my time more and become wiser with myself.

Shina Yunita

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