My parents didn’t have a happy marriage.
Their relationship was about everything but themselves as a couple. They were parents and business partners. Each of them had their own life and complicated relationships outside of each other. It was like, somewhere along the way, they lost sight of what brought them together in the first place.
In my opinion, they (or, more precisely, my father) made the mistake of taking their relationship for granted. They thought it could uphold everything else but it couldn’t, especially when they stopped nurturing it. If a relationship was the central heating for the couple, then theirs turned into a pile of ash that wouldn’t light up anymore.
I’ve learned that a happy relationship, by nature, is simple.
A happy relationship has the couple at its center; likewise, the couple puts the relationship before anything else. Prioritising the relationship means making decisions for the relationship’s sake, which is ultimately the couple’s sake.
I’ve seen it in practice.
My sister’s in a happy marriage. Their life is simple.
My sister’s parents-in-law are in a happy marriage. Their life is also simple, at least from what I’ve been told.
I’m in a happy relationship that will soon become a marriage. My life is purposefully kept very simple.
My partner and I spend most of our time together. We keep in touch throughout the day. We’re transparent about the things we do and have. We have access to each other’s stuff. Our friends are friends we’ve known for years. We don’t do things that even risk causing problems in our relationship because our relationship comes first, even before having children.
Having a simple life helps reduce stress and increase happiness.
It allows me to find deep joy in very simple things and moments. I laugh on a daily basis, and I feel like I’m floating most of the time. There’s no source of negativity in my life because if there’s one, I would already eliminate it. I consciously navigate towards goodness.
When your life is simple, it’s easy to make and keep you happy.
Your happiness will fuel your relationships, and in turn, your relationships will elevate you.
Do you want a piece of earnest advice? Cut off those non-label relationships or relationships that you can’t mention out loud — they’re only wasting your time and energy. If they’re not a friend or a romantic partner, they’re vampires: they will suck you dry and you’ll be left picking up your own pieces in the next few years; it’s not worth it.
If you have a partner already, you need to make sure they’re on the same page as you and are happy to put your relationship before everything else. That’s when you have a committed partner and you’ll be able to build a relationship together that enhances your life forevermore.
Keep your life simple.
“Simple” is hugely underrated these days, but it’s the ultimate goal. It means you’re present and focused. You know what’s important. Your mind is clear and you’re not hooked on instant gratifications. Harmony runs through your body and blesses your entire existence.
Don’t be afraid to be boring if boring means healthy and soul-enriching. Wait another 10 years; you’ll see who’s laughing then.
See, some people are born into this wholesome side of life; I wasn’t. So I spent most of my early twenties fucking it all up to find myself and expand my horizon. Now, I’ve seen both sides; I’m here by choice.
Honestly, it was how I climbed out of rock bottom and got my life back on track. Things could have turned out very differently for me, but I decided to cut the noise and do what mattered, and it worked. I went back to basics and it liberated me. It opened my eyes to a world I’d never known before and gave me a future that is even better than what I could ever dream of.
When I was single, I used to sing along to the song “Good Thing” by Zedd and Kehlani while putting on bomb-ass make-up: “I already got a good thing with me. I already got everything I need. The best things in life are already mine.” I believed it then and I believe it now.
At one point, life stopped being a journey. It just is. And that’s how I’d like it to always be.