10 Things Women Should Do Shamelessly
If you’re a woman and you have ever felt small, disrespected, belittled, invisible, as though your voice doesn’t matter, you have to constantly prove yourself, your feelings aren’t valid, or your perspective isn’t true, you are not alone.
Every day, countless women out there are being manipulated, gaslit, diminished, abused, or even cruelly violated. Most of them are normal women — like you and me — in everyday circumstances like going on a date or being in a heterosexual marriage.
The mistreatment is often insidious. Excuses are quickly made and consequences are easily justified. Even when it is blatantly not okay, women have been conditioned for generations to hold on to traditionalist virtues such as sacrifice and enduring at their own expense or see themselves as an extension of men in relationships instead of as their own person, so they’re often stuck and don’t think they have another choice.
In many cases, they are so used to being treated poorly that they don’t believe they deserve more or have the confidence to call it out and demand better.
Nowadays changes have been made in society to serve women’s interest but there’s still a long way to go. Women need to do the work too — by educating themselves about women’s rights and existing gender issues, by unapologetically advocating for themselves and their own needs, by taking up space and giving themselves the best treatment.
Here are 10 things women should do shamelessly because it’s about time:
1. Take compliments
Instead of deflecting a compliment by immediately turning the attention away from you, downplaying your success, or attributing the success to someone else, accept the compliment and simply say “Thank you”.
It might feel uncomfortable at first but do it anyway — you’ve done well and YOU deserve being celebrated. Bathe in the goodness of compliments; it’s all for you.
If the compliment is about something you haven’t noticed about yourself, don’t doubt it — embrace it. Over time, it will become positive self-knowledge.
2. Call people out
When someone does something that is disrespectful to you or doesn’t align with your core values, say it straight to them immediately.
Tell them exactly how it makes you feel, why it is not okay, and what they should do instead.
No matter how small the matter seems, you need to point it out clearly and make it right because that’s how you teach people how to treat you.
3. Cut people off
When a relationship of any kind doesn’t work out for you anymore, be honest to yourself and the other person, and end it.
You’re allowed to say “Sorry, I’m not interested” just like that, to leave an offensive message on read, to block and delete an abusive person without an explanation, to ruthlessly cut incompatible people off.
You don’t owe anyone your niceness, your smile, or your time. You do what’s right for you and works best for you — other people (especially men) have to respect that and, as long as you’re being respectful and clear, they can take care of their own emotions.
4. Promote yourself
Women, especially minority women, experience Imposter Syndrome more frequently than men. Well, it’s psychological — it’s not true. Look at facts about yourself and sell yourself like you’re the best damn thing you’ve had.
Don’t scrutinise your past performance and focus on your potential. It’s on you to tell the world how good you are and how much you can offer. The world needs your gifts.
5. Draw boundaries
Many women out there find it hard to say no to people and end up having little time left for themselves because, growing up, they were taught to be agreeable and helpful. Break free of this sexist mindset now — your time is precious and you deserve self-care.
If someone asks you to do something — either for them or with them — and you don’t want to do it, politely decline them. You don’t even have to justify yourself. Tell them what works for you. Protect your time and space. You might think people will get upset at you but, in contrast, they will likely gain respect for you.
6. Ask for fair and good treatment
Women are the victims of many gender biases that can hinder their progress in life — that’s why you need to advocate for yourself and make decisions that prioritise your well-being and dignity at all times. Assume that no one is going to do that for you. And doing nothing won’t cut it.
You’re your best friend, your cheerleader, your supporter, your most devoted fan. So you watch out for the best deals for yourself and choose the options that maximise your long-term benefits. When you see something that’s not fair to you, speak up about it, and ask for what you deserve.
7. Demand respect
There are many articles out there that tell you the differences between “command” and “demand” respect. Command respect means letting people observe your actions and grow admiration of their own volition while demanding respect means asking for it. It seems obvious that one should command instead of demanding respect but I’m telling you here first that it’s a thing men say to each other.
It’s not enough for women to command respect. You should command and demand respect at the same time. There are misogynists out there who will disrespect you just because you’re a woman — it’s your responsibility to make it clear to them that it’s not okay. You demand respect and, if no respect is served, you stop dealing with them altogether.
8. Show your emotions
Women are powerful — you have amazing built-in emotional skills that make you excellent at building relationships and inspiring changes (among other things).
However, now and then, you’re told that you’re “too much”. You’re shamed into thinking showing your feelings and emotions is a sign of weakness. Well, it’s only a sign of weakness if you see yourself through the eyes of a toxic man who’s emotionally stunted.
Showing your feelings and emotions is normal and healthy. You should do more of what makes you feel you — boldly. If someone can’t handle it, they’re not ready for you or a real relationship between grown-ups.
9. Keep high standards
Your standards aren’t too high — there are only people who can’t meet them and try to bring you down to their level.
If you have a lot to bring to the table, don’t be afraid to ask for the same back. Don’t let people talk you out of wanting something just because they don’t have it or can’t get it themselves. Don’t let anyone’s limitations hold you back from living your dream life.
You do not need to settle. Think big. And keep moving until you get what you want.
10. Take ZERO BULLSHIT
People might lie to your face, do selfish things that benefit them without thinking about your feelings, keep you around even when they have no real plan with you, etc. — you need to recognise the signs early on and cut right through their bullshit. Don’t bargain. Don’t let them brain-twist you in their web of drama. Sometimes you just have to walk away and start fresh.
Believe that there are plenty of good people out there who will appreciate you and treat you right and it’s not just rooted in their love for you but it’s because they share the same core values and viewpoints on love and relationships with you.
