3 Important Topics to Discuss with Your Partner Before Moving in Together

In a world where the unexpected becomes the norm, we often need to reevaluate our plans. This was true for my relationship. We initially planned that we would move in together only after getting engaged.

However, as the pandemic unfolded, we found ourselves facing a new reality: either living together then or not seeing each other for months without knowing when the lockdowns would end. The decision to move in together, though sooner than anticipated, was not taken lightly. It came after many careful discussions that helped us understand each other better and feel more certain about where our relationship was heading.

1. Understanding Where You Stood with Each Other.

This conversation is about gaining a clear understanding of each partner’s feelings and dating intentions. It involves open communication about the depth of your feelings, future aspirations like marriage, and plans to further integrate your lives. Knowing where you stand with each other helps in building trust and security. It ensures that both partners are on the same page before investing more in the relationship.

For my relationship, after a few months, we had exchanged I love you’s. We openly expressed that we wanted to get married and saw this relationship heading there. We had met each other’s friends and families.

How to approach this conversation: Approaching this conversation requires honesty and openness. It should be initiated in a comfortable setting where both partners feel safe to express their feelings. Start by sharing your feelings and then gently encourage your partner to share theirs. Discuss your views on marriage and the future, making sure to listen actively and respectfully to your partner’s perspective.

If your partner tries to avoid this conversation, it’s a red flag.

The risk of skipping this step: Moving in together without establishing where you both stand can lead to misunderstandings and disappointment. It might result in one partner having unmet expectations about the commitment level or future of the relationship, getting hurt and wasting time down the line.

2. Discussing your Relationship’s Timeline.

This conversation is about understanding each other’s expectations for the direction of the relationship and when significant milestones like engagement and marriage should happen.

For me, my husband shared with me his timeline: when he wanted to propose and get married. His intention was shown clearly in his daily actions and behaviours.

How to approach this conversation: Initiating a conversation about the relationship’s timeline should be done thoughtfully and respectfully. Choose a relaxed setting where both of you feel comfortable.

Start by reinstating your interest in your partner and your dating intention, ie. where you see the relationship going. And then talk about how important knowing the relationship timelines is to you before making a big investment such as moving in together.

Invite your partner to share their views and listen attentively. It’s important to discuss these matters openly and honestly, while also being prepared to adjust if necessary and find common ground.

The risk of skipping this step: Without establishing a clear timeline, moving in together can create a false sense of security and commitment. In some cases, one partner might perceive cohabitation as a step towards a more committed relationship, while the other might not.

This disparity can lead to a situation where one partner is waiting for the relationship to progress to the next level while the other becomes complacent, having no urgency to move forward. This can leave the partner with higher expectations feeling vulnerable and unprotected and ultimately wasting time without a way to rectify the situation.

Establishing a clear timeline helps ensure that both partners are moving forward with the same expectations and commitment, reducing the risk of one-sided investment and potential heartache. This approach to discussing the relationship’s timeline respects both partners’ perspectives and ensures that moving in together is a mutually beneficial and well-understood step in the relationship.

3. Aligning on Finances.

A crucial yet often overlooked aspect of preparing for a life together is an open discussion about finances. This encompasses conversations about money mindsets, earnings, savings, how to manage shared expenses, and the handling of individual debts.

How to approach the conversation: Initiating a talk about finances should be done with sensitivity and honesty. It’s important to create an environment where both partners feel safe and not judged. Begin by sharing about your personal finance views and asking your partner’s thoughts on money and how a couple should manage finances together. And navigate from there. Remember the goal is to understand, not to argue.

The risk of skipping this step: When you decide to move in together, managing household expenses and financial responsibilities becomes an inevitable part of daily life. Without a prior understanding of each other’s financial situations and an agreement on how to handle finances, this can lead to conflicts and stress.

It’s essential to have these discussions beforehand to prevent surprises and disagreements later on. Knowing each other’s financial habits, obligations, and goals helps in creating a fair and realistic plan for managing finances together. This preparation is not just about the practicality of paying bills but also about building trust and ensuring that both partners feel secure and equitable in their financial contributions to the relationship.

Also, if you think about marriage, it’s better to discuss finances sooner than later so you know whether it’s a dealbreaker for you or not.

Closing words

After a year of dating, my husband proposed as planned, and we got married once the lockdowns lifted last year. This year, we reached another milestone: purchasing our forever home. Throughout every step, my husband has been nothing but consistent, intentional, and committed. His clear communication and unwavering dedication have been the cornerstones of our relationship.

Reflecting on this journey underscores the importance of engaging in serious discussions early in a relationship, especially before making significant decisions such as moving in together. It’s essential to remember that your romantic relationship profoundly impacts your overall well-being and other aspects of your life. By moving with intention and having the courage to engage in difficult conversations, you set yourself up for a relationship that’s not only emotionally fulfilling but also grounded in clarity and honesty.

This journey has taught me that when someone truly knows what they want and is seriously interested in you, there’s no confusion. His actions align with his words, creating a clear and intentional path toward a shared future. It’s a beautiful reminder of how love, when coupled with commitment and intention, can guide you through life’s unexpected turns, leading to a fulfilling and honest partnership. Remember, it’s your life and your relationship; approach it with the care, seriousness, and intention it deserves.