I used to watch movies and shows to learn about love.
Now, as someone who’s about to get married in a month, I realise I no longer need to learn about love from fiction which is often flawed anyway. I know what love is to me. I’m experiencing it every day. I’ve absorbed it. I’m better because of it.
No matter how realistic movies and shows try to be, the credits always roll. There’s no guarantee that a happy ending will go on forever. One moment in time might be memorable but it doesn’t define the continuing present — not for long.
A fancy dinner, a trip abroad, or an expensive piece of jewellery might seem like a big deal, but it’s only a moment in time. What’s hard is to show that interest, care, and love every single day. What’s hard is to build a foundation underneath it all even when it’s inconvenient and requires effort.
A man can give you a lasting impression of his momentary interest in you, but can he demonstrate it day in and day out, genuinely, wholeheartedly? Can he cherish you for life?
To me, the two most important values in love — and perhaps even in life — are consistency and patience.
In fact, all the great things in my life have come from these two values.
Because of these two values, I know the person I’m marrying is the best for me.
There were people who told me they liked me, loved me, missed me, wanted to see me, bought me gifts, or took me out on nice dates. But none of that held any weight for me because there was no consistency and patience.
Their interest was unreliable and unreliability has no place in a serious relationship. Deep down, I couldn’t trust them.
In some cases, I didn’t like them enough to allow their consistency and patience. I didn’t need these values from them.
Every woman and every person has to decide for themselves what they value the most and what it is that they want.
I’m a woman who’s interested in having one serious partner and security in life, so I know consistency and patience are at the top of my list.
When you know your values, you don’t get carried away in the early stage of dating. How can you tell if someone is consistent and patient after one, two, or even a handful of dates? You have to take your time and observe them. You have to trust your judgments. And you have to do this every day even after the big moments like a wedding.
I’ll never stop looking for these values in my partner and I’ll never stop cultivating them in myself.
That said, consistency and patience alone are not enough. I’m marrying my partner for many other reasons that are important to me.
Let’s just say — he has added endless value to my life and he keeps doing it every single day while allowing me to be myself and grow into my best self.
There’s a sense of building and investing in every moment we spend together. Every day is better than the last as we grow closer and stronger as individuals and as a couple.
If you’re single and looking for a serious relationship right now, my advice is to start with yourself.
Identify areas of your life where you can apply consistency and patience and get used to them. Then you’ll be able to recognise and appreciate them in others.
Finding a life partner is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make, so take it seriously. Think long-term. Ask big questions. Make decisions for the most mundane moments of your life, not for the highs and the lows.