Are You Holding onto Your Ex? It’s Costing You.

I know a woman is more than her relationship. But I do love looking at my engagement ring because it isn’t just about love — it reminds me of my own healing journey.

Once upon a time, I didn’t think I was worthy of a man’s love. I always assumed the worst when dating. I didn’t even think I would get a text back from a man sometimes, let alone a diamond ring and a marriage proposal.

That was why I got myself attached to exactly the type of guys who would eventually stop texting me back. But before leaving me, they took their sweet time to break me apart until I had nothing left to give them.

One relationship that impacted me severely before therapy was with a guy who called himself a psychopath (I mentioned this a few times in my articles.) He pulled endless power plays and admitted to treating me badly on purpose.

But I didn’t know that in the beginning. He love-bombed me and I believed him. I blamed myself when he pulled away. I thought if I hadn’t been so anxious, we would have worked out and so I kept finding ways to fix myself and the relationship on my own even though it never needed fixing.

The reality is that he wasn’t the right partner for me and wasn’t capable of making me happy. I know that for sure because I have met the love of my life, someone who is so different from that ex. And I feel sick just thinking about what my life would be like now if I had held on to him or had some sort of permanent tie with him, which used to be my fantasy.

I would live in some rented room alone and cry every day because I was convinced that I would never have what I wanted in life. I would measure myself against a low-value guy’s opinions and try to change myself to fit into his life. I would be anxious all the time, having no energy left to focus on myself. Overall, I would waste my life away.

It was soul-crushing to detach myself from that ex and I resented that he mistreated me, but now I’m thankful from the bottom of my heart that he let me go and I wasn’t his favourite victim.

More than two years ago, I swallowed my pain and shame and moved on. Just like that. I shut the door on the past and became ruthless. I gave myself a chance to find my partner and build my dream life. I made myself available to receive the love I deserved and had always wanted.

Now, I have everything I need and so much more. I’m healthy and happy with nothing to worry about. I’m thriving and doing what I love because my relationship adds so much value to my life. I’m wearing the most gorgeous ring that in the past I didn’t dare to dream of. And I have so much to look forward to!

I used to ask for so little and get nothing back. Now, I want the world and I have the world, and I don’t even need to ask.

It’s wild to think it all started with just a decision to move on back then.

It’s undeniable that letting go is hard. Cutting love attachment is excruciating. On the other hand, giving in to delusion, obsession, and self-pity is so convenient and comforting. It doesn’t ask you to face yourself or change. It indulges you in your emotions and negative beliefs about yourself. It gives you the perfect reason to do nothing.

But look what it is costing you.

Your well-being. Your time. Your cumulative ROIs. Your life. Your future. All the amazing things that could have happened to you while you held onto your shitty ex and made yourself unavailable in the process.

You might not see it now, but your ex who left you did you a massive favour.

Anything not right for you leaving you is a blessing, and best believe that if they leave you, they’re definitely not right for you. It’s simple: if they were right, they would still be here with you.

It’s your turn to do the right things for yourself.

I want to remind you that you’re one decision away from your dream life. It’s waiting for you to move towards it.

Whatever it is you think you can get now, whatever it is that your shitty ex ever promised you or offered you, you deserve more and you will have more.

You have to believe it and make yourself see it.

It’s in your power!

Claim it.

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