7 Dating Mistakes to Avoid if You Want to Get Married

It’s embarrassing, but I didn’t really start dating until I was in my 20’s. I only started dating after college.

I grew up in a church-going household so dating was out of the question.

In college, I didn’t really date. No one had money to spend on dates and there were way too many options around for a serious relationship to work.

So, when I started dating after college, I made a lot of mistakes. These mistakes could have kept me from meeting my dream guy. Luckily, I made changes and adjusted before I met my husband.

These dating mistakes are listed below in case you need to avoid them in your quest to meet the right one to marry.

1. Having too many expectations too soon

Since I wanted to be married, I approached each date as if they were “the one.” It ended up stifling the relationship and putting unrealistic expectations on it.

Building a solid relationship takes time. I should have focused on getting to know the person and enjoying our time together.

That’s actually what I did with my husband. I know it’s hard to believe because I met him on an online dating site, and I was on the site to find a husband.

However, when we matched, I was so surprised about how much we had in common. I thought he would be a cool person to hang out with.

I approached the first date as getting to know him better. I also thought I will just enjoy it while it lasted. I had previous great first dates where the relationship eventually fizzled out.

It actually took me a while before I first considered him as a possible husband. I just enjoyed spending time with him and eventually it went in that direction.

My husband said he didn’t have expectations about the relationship either. He just thought, “Let’s see how this goes.”

That’s a better way to approach a new dating relationship. Instead of thinking of every person as a possible spouse, think of the person as someone to get to know.

Once you get to know the person, you can decide if you want to continue to get to know them or if you want to move on and meet other people.

It will take the pressure off the relationship.

2. Focusing too much on being liked

Another mistake I made was being afraid the guy wouldn’t like me. I was so concerned about the guy liking me, that it led to me being insecure and timid. I couldn’t really build a strong relationship being overly concerned that the other person wouldn’t like me.

It caused me to avoid revealing things about myself that I thought the person wouldn’t like.

It restricted intimacy and developing a close bond with the other person.

Eventually, I changed my point of view. I started focusing on whether I liked the person I was dating.

That made a world of difference. I was less insecure and more revealing of myself.

The funny thing is once I stopped worrying about being liked, I made more of a connection with the guys I was dating

I was finally listening to my brother’s advice.

“You’re the prize,” he always said.

Once I started acting like the prize and as someone of value, I met my husband.

3. Not being myself

While I was focusing on being liked by my date, it caused me not to be myself. I was too scared to be myself. I was worried that the guy wouldn’t like me.

It actually took dating a guy I wasn’t interested in to help me to change. I didn’t care if he liked me or not so I was completely, unabashedly myself.

And he still liked me! That’s when I realized that I could still be myself and guys still like me.

By the time I met my husband, I was completely myself. It feels good knowing that he fell in love with the real me.

It has also made having a happy marriage easier. There are some people who are married who haven’t revealed their true self yet.

It’s definitely more liberating to be yourself and marry someone who loves you the way you are.

4. Being too trusting

While it is important to be myself in a relationship, I learned not to be too trusting too soon.

I learned to divulge information slowly and not to immediately reveal too much personal information. I learned to reveal information based on the level of the relationship.

I also learned not to believe everything someone says to me.

Since I tend to be an honest person, I assumed the guys I was dating were honest. I had to learn to discern who was an honest person and to verify information.

If I discovered a person was a liar, I eventually ended up breaking up with them. I didn’t want to be in a marriage with someone who lies all the time.

I appreciate my husband for being an honest person and telling me the truth even when he thinks I won’t like the answer.

I reached the level where I trust him and can tell him anything.

With other people, I had to learn the hard way not to be too trusting.

I discovered men lied to me about their age, their relationship status, and where they were located.

Be careful who you trust. Not every person you date deserves your trust.

5. Rushing to physical intimacy

Along the same lines of trusting too soon, I learned that it is better to delay physical intimacy.

While kissing, being held, and other forms of physical intimacies feel good, it can be very confusing.

It’s easy for those intimacies to feel good with someone who you shouldn’t marry.

It’s better to get to know someone on a non-physical level first so you won’t be confused about how you feel about someone.

Then you can reserve the physical intimacies for someone you truly love and trust.

6. Staying too long in bad relationships

Once I recognized that a person wasn’t someone I wanted to marry, I should have ended the relationship.

Often, I hoped that the person would change so I was slow to move on.

I sometimes enjoyed the fact that I was in a relationship so much that I was willing to lower my standards.

I remember giving money to a guy who asked for it. If I was honest with myself, I didn’t want to marry a guy who needed money from me.

I was looking for someone who was self-sufficient and could support himself.

I ignored signs that a person was not someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

People having commitment issues, being inconsistent, or being untrustworthy are signs to pay attention to and not ignore.

I could have missed out on meeting my husband by being slow to get out of bad relationships.

Once you know that you’re not dating your dream guy, it’s prudent to just move on until you find him.

7. Not bouncing back quickly

When a relationship did end, I sometimes spent too much time mourning the end of the relationship.

It was like I believed the guy was the last person on earth and I would never like another person again.

I should have bounced back quickly and not dwell too much on the failed relationships.

There were always more people to meet even if it didn’t seem like it.

Learning to move on quickly was how I met my husband.

Final thoughts

While I made many mistakes while dating, I was able to learn from the mistakes.

I learned to be confident and present my true self while dating.

I also learned to look for signs that a person was not marriage material.

Once I realized that someone wasn’t the right one to marry, I moved on quickly until I found the right one. Recover quickly from your dating mistakes. Don’t settle for someone who’s not right for you. The rest of your life depends on it.