My lady friends are amazing women — intelligent, funny, caring, loving, financially capable, highly educated, beautiful inside out (I could go on), and truly need no man.
But, since I’ve been advocating for having healthy and happy romantic relationships and I do believe in good men, they’re open to the possibility of one and will be taking applications. Good for you!
Not so quick, though. Because your applications will, at some point, be reviewed by me and absolutely need my approval stamp before you can progress to the next stage.
Now, you know I’m a no-nonsense relationship writer. I have strong views and high standards. And, when my best friends are concerned, you might even see lethal laser coming out of my eyes if you ever dare to make them shed even one single tear.
Just kidding. I’m rooting for you. I want you to win their hearts. I really do. That’s why I’m telling you right now, in plain English, exactly what you need to do get my nods and smiles whenever your name comes up in our conversations.
Here are 16 things you MUST DO if you want to date my best friend:
1. Respect her, her choices, and her boundaries
Treat her like you would treat your mother or your sister. Be on time when meeting her. Know better than using foul language around her.
If she expresses her feeling or preference about anything at all, listen to her, make notes, and do not make it about yourself. Take her words seriously, and let her be.
2. Take care of her, before she even has to ask
As partners, you’re supposed to add value to each other’s lives. Don’t worry — she’ll add plenty of value to your life, more than you can ever imagine.
For you, you need to understand her needs and find ways to meet them without her even having to ask you to.
No, you don’t have to read her mind! Pay attention!
Is she worried about anything? Did she just mention that her family was going to move and might need some help? Does she smile every time she walks past a flower shop?
Observe her and do your best to make her life easier or better accordingly.
3. Make her feel special
Bring on your A-game (while being authentic) throughout and beyond the courtship. Remember her birthday and every important date in your relationship, and make sure she feels extra loved and valued on those days.
You might want to send her flowers, gifts, or write her love notes that she can re-read anytime she likes — that’s up to you and her. But you should be there for her better than I can; otherwise, what are you here for?!
The “her” you meet on your first date is the “her” I’ve been in love with for MANY YEARS, so you better show her your admiration from day one.
4. Support her career
Her career is important to her — If you ever assume that it comes second to yours, you can withdraw your application right now. I don’t have time for you. If you also love her for how driven and capable she is at what she does, then read on.
Supporting her career means making it as easy as possible for her to do her job and cheering her on when she needs to make an important decision at work.
It means picking up the chores more than usual when she needs to hit a deadline. It means making decisions that give equal weight to both of your careers. It means being proud of her and letting her know that every day.
5. Let her speak
When she talks, especially about the things she’s interested in and knowledgable of, give her your undivided attention, and learn from her.
Do not question her expertise. Do not belittle her interests. Do not interrupt her. Do not speak over her or speak for her. Wait for her to finish and ask her thoughtful questions.
6. Love her for HER
The “her” you meet on your first date is the “her” I’ve been in love with for MANY YEARS, so you better show her your admiration from day one and don’t ever think about shaming her for anything. If you can’t see her light, that’s on you and your poor eyesight — you’re out.
Your job as a good partner is to make her feel accepted, loved, respected and cared for all the damn time. When you give her compliments, focus on her intrinsic traits. She deserves to know that being the person she is is amazing.
7. Treat people close to her well
It goes without saying that you need to be respectful and kind to me if you ever want to go anywhere with her. But it’s not just me.
If she values family, then you need to care for her family just as much as she does. If she has a dog, then you need to treat that dog like they’re yours and offer to help anywhere you could. If you meet her friends, be a pal and watch out for them.
8. Remember little things about her
If she says something in passing or if she does anything at all, remember it, and take action on it if appropriate.
Show her just how interested you are in her and how invested you are in the relationship with her. Actually, do it because you genuinely care about her and want to make her happy. Trust me, it will go a long way.
9. Comfort her
When she feels bad or anxious, or even if you get into a fight, always put her well-being and happiness before being right. Check on her. Try to make her feel better. Apologise if you were the reason for her frowns.
Do not ever tell her to calm down or that she’s overthinking. If you’re not emotionally equipped enough to understand her feelings or can’t meet her needs, admit it, but don’t blame it on her.
Hang in when she lets her feelings out. Make her feel safe to do so. Ask to give her a hug and do it lovingly when she says yes.
10. Be patient with her
She’s amazing, but no one is perfect. So, now and then, she will have a low moment. She will be hard to understand. She might even push you away a little.
When that happens, don’t take it personally. Let her be. Talk to her to really understand why she is the way she is, but don’t make her feel ashamed or attacked. Give her time to work it out with herself. Be there when she needs you, and don’t go anywhere.
11. Be generous with her
Give her what she needs and what you know she deserves: your time, your love, your affection, your efforts, and your investments.
She should never have to feel like something is missing or she has to ask for more of your anything. She should be so loved and cared for that she has plenty of positive energy to give to the things she enjoys doing and her loved ones, including you.
12. Treasure her and prioritise her
I don’t care how, but she should know that she’s important and precious to you and that her words have weight.
Do not do anything that makes her question her place in the relationship or your feelings for her. Do not do anything that risks losing her even the tiniest bit.
Take into account her thoughts and feelings when you make a decision. Spending time with her should come before your other plans.
13. Choose her every day
You have to make it a conscious effort to be loving and caring towards her. Show your commitment to her and your relationship through simple things such as making concrete plans for the future.
Even when it’s hard, don’t just turn around and leave her alone in the relationship. You need to always remember why you want to be with her and hold onto her fiercely. She’ll be scared, but you need to stand firm for her. Let her know you’re her rock.
14. Make it easy for her to love you too!
She wants to make you happy and your life better, I know it. But you have to work with her every step of the way. Keep your heart open for her. Let her care for you and show her your appreciation for it.
She should always have the comfort and confidence from knowing that she’s a positive influence in your life and you need her just as much as she needs you.
If you don’t think you understand yourself well enough yet for this, don’t waste her time, really. Spend that time on yourself first before sending in your application again.
15. Be an inspiration for her
Even if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, don’t get lazy. Keep showing up for the relationship and making yourself the best possible partner for her — this will inspire her to be a better version of herself and a better partner for you too.
Don’t let go of yourself or, worse, dim her light. Shine with her.
16. Meet her needs in bed!
Yes, you’ve heard that right. You need to make her orgasm. Do I have to be any blunter? Sex should be about her pleasure as much as yours. It should be a very enjoyable experience for her.
If you can’t keep her satisfied down there, don’t dream about entertaining her up here.
You might want to tell me that this man doesn’t exist, but these are all the things my partner is doing for me and I’ve seen in the good men in my life, which means that she knows these men exist too.
So she will expect the same from you. And she does it because she’s confident — and I am too — that what she brings to the table is more than you’ll ever need.
I hope you don’t think these points are a lot because, really, they just cover all the basics, and they’re good for you anyway. If you do these things, you’ll most likely find yourself in a loving relationship anytime now.
If you can’t, well then my lady friends have better grown-up things to do ❤