4 Things I Learned from Not Seeing My Husband for A Week

Last week, my husband was on a management work trip.

I know — it’s not a long time, but it was the first time we were away from each other for longer than a day.

We met a few years ago and quickly became inseparable. We moved in with each other right before the first lockdown in the UK back in 2020. It felt natural to spend all the time together.

Before him, I’d never lived with a partner before. I had never even spent many days in a row with anyone. So it amazed me how quickly I got used to being with my husband.

When he was away, it was interesting for me to observe myself. Now that he’s back and I’ve had a chance to reflect, here are 4 things I’ve learned about myself and relationships during this time:

1. “If he wanted to, he would.”

People often accept a lack of communication when a partner is away. But it’s not the case with my husband.

He texted me and sent me photos every day. He called me during the day and before bed. I didn’t feel anxious at all about our distance.

His work trip was crazily intense but it was true that “if he wanted to, he would.” He has been this way since the very beginning of our relationship: available, responsive, and consistent.

So some advice for daters out there: Don’t make excuses for bad behaviours or a lack of communication if that doesn’t meet your needs.

2. Admitting I wanted closeness was the best thing I’d done for my love life.

I used to worry about coming across as clingy and needy, but as I changed my dating approach and acknowledged my needs and wants, I put closeness and daily communication with my partner at the top of my list because it was my truth.

I wanted someone who lived in the same city and loved spending time together as much as I did, which became a non-negotiable. I stopped accepting “busy job”, “frequently traveling” or “only visiting for a business trip.” When I heard any of that, I was simply out.

That was how I quickly knew my husband was the man for me. It’s much easier to identify the right one when you know for sure what you want.

On that note, being in frequent contact when he was away was great but, honestly, I didn’t enjoy talking over the phone or even video calls. I was so happy to see him when he came back.

3. I enjoyed my alone time.

I had no problem adjusting to being alone while my husband was away. I took myself to an Improv class, and before the class, I went out to have a steak dinner myself.

I had a great time. It was satisfying to take myself to a nice place and spend money on myself because I could. After the class, I stayed for a drink with the Improv group and took a taxi home.

What struck me was that having dinner alone wasn’t worse or better than having dinner with my husband. It was just different and I enjoyed both.

I also had lots of time for myself to work. It gave me a sense of creative satisfaction.

4. But having my husband with me gives me a lot more balance and joy.

Without him, all I did was literally work. I was in my creative zone, and I wouldn’t stop for anything. Sure, it was fun but it made me exhausted. It wasn’t healthy or sustainable.

When he was home, I’d take breaks to spend time with him. He brought out different sides of me that I loved — I found myself much more chirpy and relaxed. We cuddled a lot and it helped me decompress after a long day. His big embrace is truly magical.

My husband told me to write this (and I laughed): “Without my husband, I reverted back to having no wifi, no battery, a sore back, no food, no water, no sleep, no social interactions, no warmth.” (because I’d work too much.)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m functional without him! But here’s the art of making a man feel needed! (LOL) Well, when you’re with the right man, you get to be like a lazy kid again! He really does do most things around the house.

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