Is He Intimidated by Your Ambition? It’s Not Your Problem.

One of my best college friends once told me: “You are so hard to please. What kind of men can meet your standards?”

I don’t have an answer to that, because I don’t think I have any standards, except that I don’t date smokers or drug users.

Since I started online dating last year, I began to notice an interesting pattern: Men disappeared after the 3rd date, sometimes the 4th. Even if all those dates went great.

Of course, there was mutual interest; there was great chemistry; there were differences but also shared values.

Maybe something wasn’t quite right? Maybe my best friend offered a brutal truth?

I gave up “trying to figure out why”, but focused on observation and living my life.

After all, being good at being single is the prerequisite of being good at dating and relationships.

I have come up with the following three takeaways based on my personal experience, which may also apply to other women entrepreneurs in the dating game.

1. It’s neither you nor them

Black and white thinking (also called “splitting” in psychology) is a very common defense mechanism, and can easily kick in when things don’t go as we plan.

In dating or relationships, it shows up as “Is it me or him/her/them?”. When you think it’s you, you’re beating yourself up; When you think it’s them, you put yourself in a victim mode.

Either way, you are disempowering yourself.

What if it has nothing to do with you, or them?

What if you are just not vibrating on the same wavelength?

There can be a bazillion reasons why this doesn’t work out. What if you simply observe, and let it be?

When you can accept things as they are instead of assigning causes, you will save yourself time, energy, and heartbreaks. Your life will be much easier and more enjoyable.

2. Things are working in your favor

If you think in black and white, you will consider things as “not working out” when guys ghost you after a couple of dates.

But if you can see the bigger picture, you will know things are always working. They are always working in your favor.

Your dates ghosted you? They did you a favor by saving your time!

You were triggered by things they said or did? They did you a favor by giving you opportunities to reflect and learn.

When you believe things are working in your favor, they will be. Because you will start seeing opportunities where there used to be problems.

The next thing you know, miracles happen at your least expected moments.

3. Ambition makes you sexy

When I was younger, my father told me I was “intimidating” and “aggressive”. So I was trying to dial back, to tone down, to make myself “more appealing” to men.

But deep down I was scared of losing myself. Because I was pretending to be someone I was not. How could I be happy in a relationship where I was not the real me?

I learned years later, that while ambition might make a woman seem intimidating, it would certainly make her incredibly sexy.

If you think you are intimidating because you are ambitious, and try to dial it down, you probably won’t attract the right guys.

If you think you are incredibly sexy because you are ambitious, you will have a greater chance of finding someone who thinks the same.

As for the guys who are scared away? Thank them, because they save your time!

You can look for someone to MATCH your ambition level or someone who ACCEPTS your ambition level. Or both.

But it all starts with how you see your ambition. Do you accept it? Are you proud of it?

You will know what you want when you know, and accept who you are.

If you are also an ambitious woman and are having similar “3rd date syndromes”, I invite you to relax and enjoy life. The universe is helping you. Just sit back and receive the help.