The Truth is Taking Care of A Man Won’t Make Him Want You More

I admit it: I was never taught to cook and clean, and I’m grateful for it.

Okay, hear me out.

Before you shout cooking and cleaning are essential skills, yes, I agree with you. I do know how to cook and clean, and I do cook and clean.

The point is that I’ve learned these skills on my own since I started living alone. I was not taught by my parents to cook and clean; it was never imposed on me that I needed to learn domestic skills because I was a girl.

And it’s an important thing to call out because I grew up in Vietnam — it’s very common in Vietnam for girls/women to be expected to serve their families and their husband’s families.

In contrast, my sisters and I were taught very early on that we must study well. We were always top of the classes. We passed difficult exams to attend top schools. We were never asked to cook and clean (we did it only if we wanted to.) My parents, while not the most emotionally skilled with us, worked hard to pay for our education. In retrospect, it was probably the best they knew how to love us.

They didn’t want us to stay in Vietnam because they were worried about the expectations put on us as women. So, they sent us abroad. My eldest sister went first at 17, then it was my turn a few years later. We no longer felt the pressure to fulfill duties as someone’s future wives then, but to make it in the big world and send money back home.

I knew, very early on, that I had to get a good job and be financially independent. That was the only viable option for me. I was a person, finding my way, making a name for myself — not just a woman. It was tough and stressful but definitely a blessing in disguise.

Having my own life — a career, hobbies, and sufficient money — means I never needed a guy too much, not in real terms anyway, and I was always strong-headed in a relationship even when I felt anxious and needy. I never thought of my value as “what I can do for a guy”. Back when I didn’t know any better and still tried to morph myself into a Red Pill “dream girl”, I always ended up fighting back and standing up for myself like a hedgehog.

Looking back, I was hurt by my exes to various degrees but I’m glad in none of those relationships did I waste my youth doing housework for them, being their life manager or therapist. Even my parents didn’t ask me to do shit; it’d be a massive red flag for me if a guy even mentioned it. I never thought of my lack of cooking and cleaning skills as drawbacks; no men who really liked me actually cared.

The truth is, cooking and cleaning for a man (or taking care of a man in any capacity) does not make him more invested in you and value you more. Sure, caring for your partner is great and it’s very kind of you, but it’s not the answer to attracting a man who is not your husband.

A man becomes invested in you when he takes care of you and goes the extra mile for you — let him! A man values you more when he knows there’s a strong possibility of losing you if he doesn’t come correct, not when he takes you for granted.

Your domestic skills are valuable — good for you! Do not let anyone take them for granted. Say no to free labour. Do not get tricked into it.

Take it from me — Not being taught how to clean and cook has served me excellently. I’m now with the best of man for me, my wonderful husband, who loves taking care of me, taking me out, and treating me like a queen. I’m one pampered wife, and I love that for me.

I’d love that for you too (if you ever want to get married)!