Don’t be Afraid to End a Relationship Even When It’s Not Completely Broken

Dating can be confusing.

People often torture themselves with seemingly self-conflicting questions, “Why did he stay with me if he didn’t want to commit to me?”, “Why is he jealous if he isn’t into me?”, “Why did he cuddle me after sex if he only wanted friends with benefits?”

But are these questions really self-conflicting? Can these things happen at the same time? How?

Let me give you some insights and reminders if you find it hard to make sense of people’s behaviours:

  • People aren’t always aware of themselves to be meaningful and intentional in action.

  • Their behaviours don’t necessarily mean the same thing to them as to you or how you interpret them.

  • There are people out there who are happy to waste your time and get whatever value they can still get from your relationship with each other.

The questions you should actually ask yourself instead:

  • Is what I’m getting good enough for me?

  • If not, what do I do about it?

There are two things you can do:

  • Either you make a decision about the relationship immediately

  • or you gather more information to make your decision, which may include talking directly to the other person.

If you wait for the other person to do something about it without doing anything at all yourself, the relationship will end up operating on their terms at your expense (the stress, the self-doubt, the wasted time, etc.) or it will hurt both of you.

This also applies to friendships.

If your friend keeps telling you how much the friendship means to them but does things that hurt you, there’s something they’re not telling you, something they might not even be aware of.

If you, on the other hand, have the gift of self-awareness, it’s on you to do something about it. Don’t wait for other people to do the right things for you. Don’t be afraid to do the hard things.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to end your relationship with them before they even fully come to terms with what’s wrong with it — because you already know what’s wrong for you and that’s enough to make your decision.

Ultimately, you’re doing them a favour.

It might hurt at first, but it’ll be beneficial in the long term.

When you walk away from a relationship that doesn’t meet your needs, you save time for both of you. You free both of you to find something more suitable. You bring peace back to both of you.

Now, think about all the times someone left you when you still had feelings for them and didn’t understand their decision — they might actually have more self-awareness than you. They knew themselves well and they knew they couldn’t give you what you need, so they let you go.

You might be in pain, but you should thank them. They did the hard thing for you. They freed you.

I know, it’s easier said than done. If you’ve been together with someone for a long time, a life without them can be unimaginable. You want to be in denial as long as you can.

But think about the life you’re actually living now and be honest — is it really worth it? Is it the best you could do? Is it really it? This reality — for the rest of your life?

If the answer is no, then it’s time to take action. It’s time to own your truths and do what’s good for you, little by little.

Remember: Every minute you hold onto a wrong relationship is a minute you have less to find and enjoy the right things and right people for you.

It’s important to build enough self-respect, self-love, self-esteem, and a strong support system to walk away from the things that no longer serve you.

Some endings are sad but some are really for the better. Some relationships have run their course and then some are too far off their course. It’s okay to be sad and grieve either way, but remind yourself of why they must end.

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