What It’s Like to be “The One” He Wants to Marry

I used to put a man’s love on a pedestal.

I grew up believing in the myth that if a man treats you like shit, he just doesn’t love you enough; if he loves you enough, he will treat you like the queen.

And so, I tried hard to earn a man’s love, but I was never sure if I was good enough for it. Well, I never felt like I was enough for my father’s love. I thought it was all my fault, and it messed me up for a really long time.

The majority of my early twenties were spent crying over heartbreak as I kept choosing the people who resembled my father. I wanted their love and to be “the one” they chose, fantasizing about the day I would finally feel “enough.”

It never happened. Instead, I hit rock bottom and feared that my mistakes would ruin my future. Guess who was there to save me? Me. And I did an excellent job.

I also figured out that that myth about a man’s love is bullshit.

If a man treats you like shit, it’s not a call for trying harder to change his mind.

At this point, whether he loves you or not is beside the point — you should want nothing to do with him.

The same goes for being “the one” for a man (or “the one” he wants to marry.)

When you keep being left behind and made feel like you can’t measure up to the idea of a guy’s “dream woman”, you might wonder what it’s like to be the one he wants to marry.

But, again, it’s beside the point, isn’t it?

It’s not about him. It’s about you.

A man’s treating you well and making you feel loved should come before your desire to be “the one” for him or marry him.

If he treats you like shit, why would you care about being “the one” for him or who he wants to marry?

Plus, him marrying someone doesn’t guarantee him loving that person the way you want to be loved. For all you know, he might just be a shitty person whether he’s in love or not.

Shift your mindset.

If you’re looking to get married, decide for yourself how you want your future husband to treat you and make you feel, and do not settle for less.

In fact, treating you like the one he wants to marry should be non-negotiable from the get-go. You deserve it. You’re not here to prove yourself or apply for the role of someone’s “the one” — you’re worthy of love and commitment as you are.

Start strong. Don’t sell yourself short.

If anything, he should be asking what it’s like to be the one you want to marry.

Here’s the insight if you ever wonder.

When you’re the one he wants to marry, and if he’s a good, healthy man with whom you’re compatible, you won’t have to ask a thing.

You’ll know straight away because he’ll treat you like the best damn thing that has ever happened to him.

His proposal won’t come as a surprise or a wild dream come true — you’ll be part of the marriage conversation because you choose him as much as he chooses you, and it will feel as natural as drinking water.

Admittedly, I used to fantasize about being someone’s “the one” because, in my head, it would render me worthy.

When it did happen with my current partner, I had gone to therapy and learned to love myself, and so I realised that his commitment to me felt like a precious gift that I also have to offer him back, instead of a validation of my self-worth.

Well, it had nothing to do with my self-worth.

Our engagement, the gorgeous diamond ring he proposed me with, and our coming wedding are about our relationship and our shared future. A marriage happens between us because we know it would add value to our lives and we both wholeheartedly want it.

If you think marriage or a proposal will make you *finally* happy or all your problems melt away, you’re in it for the wrong reasons — work on the relationship with yourself first.

Speaking of which, during my misguided days, I had a bad habit of looking at myself through the eyes of the men I dated.

I’ve learned it the hard way that, as a woman, if you want a quality relationship, you need to stop doing that and start owning your perspective.

You need to ask yourself more often what you want and whether something is good enough for you, not whether you’re good enough for something — you should know that you are.