The way men think and the way women think can be different. The way men love and the way women love can also be hugely different. Many heterosexual relationships fail because the couples aren’t aware of these possible differences or are aware but don’t know how to make them work.
For example, take a pair John and Jane. John loves Jane. John shows his love to Jane by providing for her, taking care of her and making time for her. Yet Jane questions John’s love because John doesn’t say he loves her or say she’s the most beautiful woman in the world to him.
To John, love is action. To Jane, love is words of affirmation. Because they don’t understand this about each other, Jane becomes insecure and constantly feels like there’s something missing and doubts the relationship while John feels unappreciated and thinks Jane’s attitude is unreasonable (or even crazy). Then John pulls back and makes the matter even worse because Jane is now convinced John really doesn’t love her at all.
If John and Jane understands this about each other, they would be able to meet half-way and keep the relationship strong. Say, Jane would need less assurance from John’s words and feel secure just by noticing his actions as she’s aware this is the evidence of his love. Meanwhile, John would know how to meet Jane’s needs, which is expressing his love verbally at the same time.
They would appreciate each other even more and the fact that they’re willing to put in the effort to do things that are not necessarily natural of them just because they know how important it is to their other half. After all, it’s all down to communication. If it’s not clear to you what your partner’s love language is, you need to talk to them and learn thoroughly about it.
Once you know the way your partner thinks and how they express their love, you will know what’s the important thing to look out for and how to meet your partner’s needs.
Now I’m aware that the example above is rather simplistic and definitely not all men and women are the same. We’re all different individuals and want different things in love. Though I do believe that to some extent, either men or women, collectively as a gender we do share certain characteristics including our love languages.
Here’s some insights I’ve gained from my own personal experiences as well as through research:
To my fellow women, always pay more attention to your man’s actions than his words.
If your man makes time for you, gives you his attention, takes care of you, stop nitpicking him for every single word he says or doesn’t say because yes, most certainly he will say the wrong thing and not know what’s the right thing to say but it doesn’t mean he isn’t crazy about you.
Look, he could be anywhere with anyone, yet he chooses to be right here with you and he shows you that. He wants to make you happy. Let him do it.
Don’t expect him to read your mind and demand from him things he isn’t aware he’s supposed to give or is unable to give you.
Don’t nag him. Don’t try to control him.
Appreciate him and remember to tell him that daily. Make him feel wanted and needed. Try to be simple to him.
Give him his space. Trust him and trust that he will come to you.
Be tolerant and patient with him. Encourage him. Believe in him. Take care of him. Miss him when he’s not there. Listen to him. Be yourself around him. Support him and love him generously.
And to my men, you think women are complicated but we aren’t, really.
What your woman wants is your understanding and attention and to know she is the one and only for you and that you’re here with her because you value her, NOT because she’s an available option.
Don’t ever call her “crazy” or “too sensitive”. Don’t dismiss her feelings and concerns.
Ask her how she is and tells her you understand why she feels what she feels, or maybe you don’t but you’re trying to.
Listen to her. Really listen to her without any judgment or making it about yourself. Don’t make her feel bad for being anxious, insecure or emotional. Let her know it’s okay to be anxious, insecure and emotional and talk to her all about it.
Be patient and consistent with her. Hold onto her.
Show her AND tell her how much she means to you — she’s never bored of it.
And if she likes you and trusts you enough to give you her body, never leave her side right after sex. Touch her carefully and gently and remind her of how much you want her for everything she is, especially her mind and her soul.
Be there for her and love her attentively.
I hope each one of us, regardless of our gender, will try to understand our partner a little bit more and consciously work towards a healthy, loving relationship through open communication. For sure relationships aren’t easy but if you meet the right person, it’s all worth it.
So find someone who’s compatible with you. Choose them, treasure them and make them feel special every single day. You don’t want to be that person who realises what they’ve got only when it’s too late.
What are your thoughts?