Date A Man Who Was Raised By A Strong Woman
When my partner first told me about his family, I was pleasantly surprised at how close they were.
As someone who lived half the world away from my mother and hardly saw her at all, I couldn’t really relate to his being in constant contact with his family at first.
I found it preciously novel how he had several active family group chats and got together with them on a weekly basis. He also spoke to his mother on the phone frequently. Meanwhile, I met my sister who also lives in London about once a month and called my mother once every few months; my relationship with my father was non-existent.
I guess it explained why I was guarded during the early days of our relationship while my partner was consistently loving and open. He treated me with the level of care and respect I’d never experienced before. Especially when I felt anxious, he never failed to give me the security and reassurance I needed to calm down.
When he introduced me to his family for the first time, I immediately felt welcomed and touched by the way his parents treated me like one of their children. For example, they showed interest in my culture and paid attention to the food I liked to cook for me. I was especially impressed by his mother who was very well-spoken, caring, and wise.
Over the next few meetings, she revealed that she used to have “tea time” with the kids (one of which was my partner) and encouraged them to share their feelings out loud. She also shared many stories about how she fought against racism and sexism at work back in the day. She even gave me advice on how to stand up for myself.
Just a few days ago during a face-to-face conversation, his mother told us about her dealing with disrespect, especially from men. She recalled instances when she called people out on the spot and told them she wouldn’t tolerate disrespect from her husband, let alone anyone else. She stressed that we speak well and demand the respect we deserve.
My partner sat right next to me, holding my hand tight in his while attentively listening to his mother. During that moment, I understood more clearly why he was such an all-around well-mannered good man; I felt truly grateful.
He was raised by a strong woman.
And, when a man is raised by a strong mother who doesn’t tolerate disrespect from anyone and has a life of her own, he also learns to respect a woman’s boundaries and career.
When he sees that his mother is an equal to his father, he also sees his partner as an equal. He doesn’t just treat her well because he has a romantic agenda with her; he does so because he’s kind towards all women.
Strong mothers are unsung heroes.
Last year, my mother went through a rough patch with my father and needed my support. Thanks to that event, our communication has significantly increased. We video-call each other at least once a week and feel much closer emotionally.
Being brainwashed by patriarchy, I used to put my emotionally and physically absent father on a pedestal and take for granted my mother who, on the other hand, cared for us from little to bing things. Now, I have no doubt that she’s an incredibly strong and inspiring woman and I proudly take after her a lot.
I’m happy that I’m more connected to my mother like my partner is to his — it adds so much value to my life such as emotional fulfillment and security. And what’s more, embracing my relationship with my mother helps me become a better feminist and overcome internalised misogyny.
So, date a man who was raised by a strong woman, and thank the strong women in your life.
If you value family, you’ll need someone who does too.
Ask him about his relationships with his parents. Get to know his family and observe how they treat each other —it’ll always have an impact on your life as a couple sooner or later.
Having troubled family relationships isn’t necessarily a red flag, but having good influence from parents — and especially from a strong mother — is the ultimate green flag to look for.
