5 Brutally Honest Reasons Why You Always Struggle With Love

Like any other area of life, in order to solve your romantic problems, you need to understand the causes.

While it could be that there are fundamental aspects that you could improve as an individual, the issues might lie in your mindsets and approach to dating.

This is especially applicable to cases where people are desirable on paper, yet find themselves, again and again, struggling with dating, leading to frustration and self-doubt.

Here are 4 reasons why your love life might be getting nowhere:

1. You don’t know what you want

Admit it — you don’t really know what you’re looking for.

You don’t know if you’re okay with casual dating or you actually want a serious relationship and eventually marriage. You get involved with people without being clear about your desires and expectations, letting them dictate the situation while compromising your needs and wants.

You say things like “Let’s see where it goes”“I’m open to anything”“I like to go with the flow” only to end up wanting more and not getting anything back. Or you state on your dating profile that you look for a serious relationship, yet you get drunk and have sex with someone before you even remember their name.

While there might be exceptions, this is not going to work out well most of the time. So, be real to yourself about what you want and need, what works for you and what doesn’t. Hold up your boundaries and standards — you will find the people who are able to give you exactly what you look for.

2. You place your values on the wrong things

You meet a new person and you think they’re not right for you because they haven’t watched Game of Thrones or don’t like Lana Del Rey. Or you don’t even give someone a chance because they never text with emojis and therefore seem boring. Yet, you say yes to someone who is going to move away in three months or doesn’t want kids while your dream is to become a parent.

This is exactly how you miss out on many great people who could turn out to be very compatible with you on deep levels while you stick around with those who can’t meet your needs. You basically set yourself up for failure from the beginning with this approach.

If you’re looking for something serious, you might want to stop making decisions based on superficial factors and start looking at fundamental factors such as their core values, views on commitments, life priorities, future plans, etc. and give yourself time to have a good view of the person before getting yourself emotionally attached to them.

3. You take rejections too personally

Rejections suck — it’s a universal truth. It sucks big time when it comes to dating.

No one wants to hear those dreadful words “You seem like a nice person but…” or “I like you but…”. Too many of these gentle let-downs could totally make you want to give up on your entire love life. Though, you might have looked at it the wrong way.

Rejections in love do not necessarily reflect who you are as an individual but it reflects what is between you and your date. It means you two are not compatible as a couple, not that there’s anything inherently wrong with either of you. You’re still fine as the person you are.

Also, since you possibly don’t know what you want and/or place your values in the wrong things, chances are that you like those people who reject you for the wrong reasons and it’s actually a good thing they realise it and let you go instead of stringing you along.

You should look at dating as finding out who’s right for you instead of trying to prove yourself and competing for someone’s affection. If someone doesn’t want you and stay with you, they’re definitely not right for you and you should be more than happy to show them the door.

4. You overvalue the “spark”

Love takes time to grow and relationships take effort to build.

You might put too much value in the initial spark and overlook incompatibility on fundamental levels. You let yourself quickly get emotionally attached to the people whom you think you have a strong connection with, without considering whether they invest in you and a relationship with you.

On the other hand, if you don’t feel an overwhelming urge to take off your clothes during the first few meetings, you think the relationship is doomed.

If what you’re looking for is a night of good fun, then yes — that instant chemistry is important. But if you want something solid and long-lasting, you might want to give the slow-burning connections a chance.

That said, don’t force it if you genuinely don’t feel it.

The key takeaway

If you’ve been feeling frustrated about your love life, it might be time to re-evaluate your dating approach and mindsets.

Based on the possible reasons listed above, here’s how you can increase your chance of finding a quality relationship:

  • Have a clear idea of what you want and need

  • Be picky about fundamental factors and flexible about superficial ones

  • Leave your self-worth out of the equation

  • Pay attention to intent and investment, not just chemistry, and give the slow-burning connections a chance.

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