4 Benefits of Having Many Short Relationships before Getting Married

I used to be insecure about not having any long-term serious relationships as I watched my peers coupling up and even getting married. I thought it was a reflection of my low worth and my inability to form a meaningful connection with a man.

As it turned out, it was a blessing in disguise for me.

See, my current partner is the first man I’ve entered a serious relationship with. And by “serious” I mean “we’re getting married.”

When someone asks me how I knew he was “the one”, I often say “I just knew,” but what I really mean is that he’s like none of the guys I dated — he’s distinctly better. He’s right for me.

And I wouldn’t have known that if I hadn’t had many failed relationships and learned a great deal about myself in the process.

Here are 4 benefits of dating around before getting married:

1. I learned what did not work for me

When I was dating, I was pretty open-minded. I got to know many different types of people; some lasted for a few dates and some for a few months.

While the breakups were painful, they taught me so many valuable things about myself and especially what did not work for me.

After much denial, I eventually learned that a lack of emotional intelligence, namely empathy, was an absolute dealbreaker for me, no matter how desirable someone seemed. I also learned to spot red flags based on someone’s reactions to my anxiety instead of beating myself up over having anxiety!

My advice for you:

When a relationship ends, it often ends for a reason: some core need is unmet. It’s your responsibility to find out which need it is — as you already know that your relationship cannot survive without it — and make sure you find someone who can satisfy it right from the get-go next time.

2. The trauma and baggage could have been worse

Back then, I was desperate to have a serious relationship because I wanted to feel worthy, but now I’m extremely grateful that none of my past relationships lasted long.

They turned me into a shell of myself just within a few months; imagine the damage after years — I’d probably need to admit myself into a mental health ward by now.

My advice for you:

Remember that every minute you spend with the wrong person is a minute less you have to find the right person or simply have your peace of mind. Set yourself free.

3. I don’t have what-ifs

Some married people wonder what it would be like to date other people or whether there’s a better match out there for them, but I don’t have such thoughts.

It’s because I’ve been there, done that. I’ve seen the true cost of different (seemingly desirable) choices.

I know there’s a higher probability that a stranger would turn out to be a bad match for me than a good match. I know superficial traits mean nothing when it comes to lifelong compatibility and I know what compatibility means for me in action.

My advice for you:

Whether you’ve had many past dating experiences or not, focus on what you have. Something that you know for sure is good is always better than a random option that could turn out either way.

4. I know how good I have it now

Every day, I feel grateful that I’m with my fiance.

Not for one second do I take him for granted because I know how rare it is for me to find someone so compatible with me on every level. I know he could hurt me like anyone before he did but he chooses to love and care for me with everything he has. I know he’s a kind, secure, and generous person, and it makes him the only one for me.

My advice for you:

You’ll “just know” when you meet your future spouse because you’ve already manifested them in your beliefs and instincts based on everything that went wrong in your past relationships. They will make you understand why it never worked out with anyone before.

Parting words

Next time, if someone asks you why you’re still single or why you haven’t had any long-term relationship, tell them you’re being smart about dating and list the reasons above.

Ok, that might not be the best first-date conversation, but you get the point: Never having had a serious relationship doesn’t have to be a negative thing.

If you want more fun and success with dating, try to frame your stories in a positive way. Find a lesson to learn from each experience and be grateful for it. Focus on your strengths and your present.

Remember that, if you want a lifelong partner, you only need to get it right once, and no failure would matter. Keep going.