9 Powerful Resolutions Every Couple Should Adopt
Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other. — Abraham Lincoln
My friend Sheila is the luckiest girl in the world.
Two years ago, during a relaxing Saturday at the beach with my friends, she had a nice guy in our group of friends approach her. Sheila knew he liked her, as she had caught him staring at her a few times. She could see that he was nervous. So she tried her best to make him feel more comfortable.
They had a short and pleasant conversation that afternoon, then chatted on Whatsapp for a few days, and after a fortnight, they went on their first date.
Fast forward to today, they are one of the happiest couples I have ever met.
I have asked Sheila how they make such a perfect pair.
She shared that their relationship is not perfect. Like all couples, they have disagreements all the time as they come from different backgrounds.
However, they know how to communicate and resolve the conflict between them in a healthy way.
She also divulged that they made powerful resolutions at the beginning of their relationship and this has served as a lovely blueprint to guide them in their relationship.
She then described what in her opinion are the points of strength of her relationship with Phil, her fiance now.
She shared these powerful resolutions that have guided them to this point that all couples should adopt for themselves.
The resolutions have guided them to develop a happier relationship where they do the following.
1. They work hard on the essentials of their relationship
“Life is curious when reduced to its essentials.” — Jean Rhys
Sheila and Phil decided early on in their relationship that there would be essentials in their relationship that they do not compromise on.
Their list includes effective communication at all times, respect for each other, complete trust, unquestioned support, and love for each other.
Even when they have a disagreement, they stop and remind themselves to reflect back on the essentials. Many times, they have found one of the above essentials lacking and thus causing tension in their relationship.
For them, it was not easy to come up with and stick to this list of essentials. However, they understand that the hard part is what makes it worthwhile. In life, there are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
How you can adopt this:
Understand what is most important to you and your partner. Define what a successful relationship looks like for both of you.
And then come up with the essentials that will guide you in ensuring that your relationship is always on the path to success.
2. They choose to stay true to their path as a couple
“Stay true to yourself because there are very few people who will always be true to you.” — Anonymous
Success is defined differently for different people. The same applies to couples.
Going by the Wikipedia definition, success is the state or condition of meeting a defined range of expectations. It may be viewed as the opposite of failure.
When it comes to relationships, it helps to know what success means to you as a couple. Many people have well-intentioned advice but it is usually given from their own perspectives and experiences in life.
It is important that a couple determines what their path should be, and chooses to stay true to that path. It helps when you understand your partner, and work on your own goals and growth towards your definition of success.
The happiest couples know that a successful relationship is one that is lived through understanding and pursuing their own path, and not chasing after the dreams of others.
How you can adopt this:
You have to do what’s right for you; as individuals and as partners knowing that no one else walks in your shoes. Resolve to build a life together that you are proud of.
And the moment you realize you’re not, find the strength to start over again on a new path, always referring to your essentials.
3. They resolve to nurture their own self-confidence
“Self-confidence, self-respect, self-worth, self-love, all start with self. Stop looking outside of yourself for your value.” Rob Liano
For the rest of the world to see how great you really are, you have to see it and believe it yourself first. You have to have that self-confidence that comes from knowing your value.
My friend Sheila and her partner took steps early in their relationship to build their own self-confidence. This helped them ensure that they do not project their insecurities onto their partner.
Self-confidence evolves from deep self-acceptance.
In clinical psychology and positive psychology, self-acceptance is considered the prerequisite for change to occur. It can be achieved by stopping criticizing and solving your defects and then accepting them to be existing within you. That is, tolerating yourself to be imperfect in some parts.
According to this study by Cristian Vasile, true self-acceptance is embracing who you are, without any qualifications, conditions, or exceptions. Accepting both the positive and negative aspects.
It is important to accept yourself as an individual to build the confidence you need to thrive as a couple.
How you can adopt this:
Self-acceptance involves self-understanding, a realistic, albeit subjective, awareness of one’s strengths and weaknesses.
It results in an individual’s feeling about oneself, that they are of “unique worth”.
Accept yourself.
Realize that you are a magnificent work in progress and your relationship will continue to improve as you accept your flaws in a healthier, more wholesome way.
4. They love each other and are expressive about how they want to be loved
“ Life is not about just loving for your sake. It is also about loving well for your partner’s sake.” —
According to this study, language is what makes us human. It is how people communicate.
The study, which is published in the US National Library of Medicine and National Institutes of Health, goes on to say that learning a language, means you have mastered a complex system of words, structure, and grammar to effectively communicate with others.
In love, as in any meaningful human connection, communication is essential.
However, it would be difficult to communicate effectively with someone with whom you speak entirely different languages.
We all experience love differently. When we are with someone we love, we want them to be able to speak our love language. That is how we feel seen, heard, and loved.
The happiest couples know their own, and their partner’s love languages. They set out to continually love their partner in the language they feel loved the most.
How you can adopt this:
Know your own love language so that you can guide your partner on how to love you best.
Similarly, you should learn to speak your partner’s love language if you want to keep falling in love with each other.
5. They are always genuinely kind to each other
“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates positivity. Kindness in giving creates love.” — Lao Tzu
Each time someone does an act of kindness for me, I want to do something kind for them in return.
Kindness in words creates confidence.
If you speak kindly to your partner, they will feel validated in their thoughts and become more confident in themselves.
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.
If you think with kindness, you develop sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of your partner. Compassionate thoughts are profound.
Kindness in giving creates love.
You can give of yourself through your relationship. You can spread sunshine in your partner’s and other people’s lives regardless of the weather. Be kind.
How you can adopt this:
Be kind.
Leave your partner encouraging love notes in random places.
Help and support them in their aspirations whenever you have the opportunity to do so. Give compliments and constructive feedback. Do for your partner what you would want them to do for you.
We rise by lifting others. In a world where you can be anything, be kind.
6. They focus on solutions instead of problems
“What you focus on expands, and when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it.” — Oprah Winfrey
Generally in life, all too often, when facing a problem, the first thing we tend to do is focus on the negative situation.
We continue to repeat our patterns, doing the same things that do not work, until we dwell in a feeling of negativity.
The happiest couples do not let their minds wander toward the negative, which would have then prompted them to focus on more problems instead of searching for ways to resolve the situation and grow from it.
The happiest couples focus on solutions instead of problems.
How you can adopt this:
You must begin to start focusing on ways to actually resolve whatever situations you may have by focusing on solutions.
Choose to make your lives as a couple better.
Be those people who focus on solutions and work your way eagerly toward a brighter future.
7. They leave the past in the past
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. — Søren Kierkegaard.
Don’t stumble over something behind you. Don’t use the past as an excuse to miss out on today. You do not heal the wounds of the past by digging deeper into them.
The happiest couples have discovered that it is great to leave the past where it belongs — in the past. It should not upset your current happiness.
How you can adopt this:
Let bygones be bygones.
Make the choice to leave the past in the past.
8. They spend time away from each other
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” — English Proverb
This may sound counter-intuitive but resolve to have some time apart from each other.
In Chicago’s song Hard to say I’m sorry, the singer emphasizes that his partner told him that everybody needs a little time away from each other. And even lovers need a holiday far away from each other.
Sheila and her partner have their own personal lives outside of the relationship. This has made their relationship more wholesome.
They admit that it has served their relationship better in the long run because they are not constantly on each other’s toes. It makes the time they spend together more valuable.
How you can adopt this:
Have your own hobbies, and friends, and recreational activities that do not involve your partner.
Create your own experiences as a whole individual on your own.
9. They always choose their relationship
“Life is a matter of choices and every choice you make makes you.” — John C. Maxwell
Every single day, my friend Sheila and Phil make the subconscious choice to either build their relationship or tear it apart.
According to Phil, “Deciding to take care of your relationship essentially boils down to a posture of either turning toward or away from your partner. Choosing to turn toward your partner involves choosing to let the moments of connection outweigh the moments of disconnection.”
How you can adopt this:
Make your relationship a top priority.
Love always wins.
Final thoughts
PS: It is not cliché to say when you are in love and really happy in your relationship, you will know. You really will know. Trust the process.
Wishing you loads and loads of love in your relationships.
May you find true love, and may you fall deeply in love with your partner over and over again!
And now your thoughts…
Let me know your thoughts in the comments section.
