Are You TOO Good At Being Single?

I replied to this article of Ellen Nguyen with the following words: “I’m too good at being single…it’s preventing me from getting into a relationship”. Ellen encouraged me to write about it.

It took me a whole week to get started. Why? Because I’ve been asking myself the question of the subtitle, with an emphasis on the word “too”.

Am I TOO independent? TOO aggressive? TOO loud?

Do I talk TOO much? TOO little? Do I laugh TOO much? TOO little?

Am I TOO nice?

Sound familiar? Have you thought about these after a first (or second, or who-knows-how-many) date?

If we transfer those questions into a business setting, they might look like this:

Do I charge TOO much? Do I know TOO little? Do I sound TOO enthusiastic?

The list goes on and on. And honestly, no one can give you the answer but yourself. So what’s your answer?

Well, I’m gonna give you my answer first.

Maybe I’m TOO good at being single based on the world’s standard, but I’m loving it.

After a delusional, almost-non-existent long-distance relationship in my early 20s and years of self-infliction afterward, I’m so happily single.

I go on spontaneous dates with no agenda; I never wait for guys to call or text me; I never play mind games; I mean what I say, and I say what I mean.

Oof, my life is 10 times easier and freer than before.

When I have a life like this, only under one condition will I trade it for a relationship: When the relationship is 1+1>2.

To be the boss of your love life, you have to own every part of YOU.

Business owners own businesses, homeowners own homes.

Even if you don’t have those, you are still the sole owner of your most valuable asset: YOU.

Own the part of you that is “too much”.

Own the part of you that is “too little”.

Because “too much” and “too little” are just thoughts.

So many people build invisible prisons with their thoughts and believe them to be true.

That’s why people get stuck in toxic relationships. That’s why people keep repeating patterns.

Breaking those invisible prisons can hurt. But getting trapped hurts more and longer.

Which kind of hurt would you choose?

To be the boss of your love life, you have to let go.

If you had a consult with a potential client, who said yes, then ghosted you, what would you do? I’d just let go, and get ready for my next client.

I treat dating the same way.

I met a nice guy earlier this year. We had intellectual conversations, tons of laughter, common interests, and great chemistry. We had four awesome dates and then he disappeared.

I didn’t call, didn’t text, and didn’t stalk him on social media. I just let go and live my life.

Are you still thinking about “the one that got away”?

While it’s completely normal to have those thoughts, don’t indulge in them, because they don’t serve you.

And if he comes back? Well, you still have all the power to call the shots.

To be the boss of your love life, you have to be the source of love.

I don’t wait for a guy to show up and buy me flowers. I buy flowers for myself.

I don’t wait for a guy to show up and take me to dinner. I treat myself.

I don’t wait for a guy to show up and compliment me. I compliment myself.

I have to let myself know, that I am deeply, unconditionally loved, by myself.

And I treat my business the same way. If I want to inspire my audience, I have to be the source of inspiration.

Being the source of inspiration makes you the boss of your business. Being the source of love makes you the boss of your love life.

When you can consistently be the love and provide yourself with the love you desire, no one can take anything away from you.

I enjoy being single. I enjoy dating. And I know I will enjoy a relationship when it unfolds.

Love only gets better when you truly enjoy being you and living your life in your own way.

Yiqing Zhao

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