Some time ago, I met my soulmate. We didn’t just feel immensely drawn to each other; we also liked each other as the individual we were. We shared the same values. We looked at life in similar ways.
Every time we talked, online or offline, it was always the same positive energy binding us together — we made each other laugh like we were kids again. We were sexually, emotionally, spiritually compatible.
It was also the first time I could say I was in love with a man for real. Well, I don’t dare to claim I know what “love” is but no other word was appropriate to describe the strong feelings I had.
At one point I thought I would never get over the pain but thankfully, I managed to get to the other side and found joy in my life again.
It wasn’t easy but in retrospect, it was good for me. This event taught me many things about love and life which have shaped me into the person I’m proud of being today — stronger, wiser, calmer and more appreciative of what I have.
Here’s what I’ve learned after finding and losing my soulmate:
1. Life goes on
When my soulmate and I met, we felt like a volcano had erupted in us as we went through all the euphoric feelings of love. So when the ending came, I wasn’t prepared. I crashed.
For a while, to me, he was the only man that existed. I’d constantly fantasised about our future together so I was convinced I had nothing ahead of me without him. It angered me that the world was still spinning and the clock was still ticking as usual while I was in such unfathomable pain.
But life went on, and there was nothing I could do. Tomorrow came again, and again and again.
As it turned out, my life didn’t begin and didn’t end with my soulmate like the movies make it out to be. With each day arrived, I felt slightly lighter and lighter as our story consumed me less and less. It just happened naturally as time passed.
Now and then I still think of him and it still leaves me emotional but it’s much less frequent. It’s much less that big of a deal. I’m hopeful again and it’s a relief to know that no matter how bad things seem, it too will pass.
2. You’re always stronger than you think you’re
When I realised my soulmate and I could never be together for a reason that couldn’t be disclosed, I thought to myself I had hit rock bottom. My days were a blur as I mopped around feeling like the most pathetic person alive.
But I didn’t stay there for too long. I preserved. I picked myself up day by day as I had no other choice. I kept on living and doing better for myself because no one would and could do that for me.
Before I had thought I was strong but I had no idea then. Only until after I had been hit hard like this did I realise that my strength and capacity for growth was endless.
Now I know there’s nothing to be afraid of. Sure, I will meet new people, I will fall in love and get hurt again — maybe the pain will be even worse, but it’s okay because I’ll overcome it like I always did and I’ll learn more valuable lessons to become a better person.
It’s a journey of life. It’s worth it.
My soulmate and I didn’t end up with a wedding. My soulmate and I didn’t even end up together. But we didn’t care about it when we fell in love.
Sure, I was hopeful but we let our good energy lead the way naturally. If we had been obsessed with the outcome, we would’ve never gotten with each other and totally missed out on all the wonderful feelings we felt being together and even these lessons that have transformed us. We would’ve missed the magic that filled up a significant part of ourselves.
And I know many relationships will be the same like this one. They’re good while they last and they will most likely fall apart but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Even the one that will eventually become the one for life needs to be at one point “good while it lasts” too.
I can’t overlook and waste away every person I meet, every soulful connection I make just because I don’t know if it will go anywhere. I don’t need to know if a relationship is going anywhere to validate the good times I have. Those good times actually make up my life, not the relationship status.
Finding and losing my soulmate has taught me to enjoy life as it happens. I’m more laid back, less carried away and more patient as I’m confident good things will naturally unfold in their own time like they should.
4. Love isn’t enough and commitment is a choice
I loved my soulmate. I loved him more than anyone I’d ever had feelings for. And he loved me too. But love wasn’t enough. Love didn’t conquer them all. Our relationship couldn’t survive with just love. We led very different lives with different timing and we had to accept that the better outcome was to be apart.
Our better bet was the course we were already on as it would ensure happiness in many aspects of life for us, instead of being together in the name of passion yet risking our careers, our lifestyles and hurting those we loved.
Meanwhile, commitment is a choice. To be in a relationship with someone and work on it is a very conscious choice that needs to factor in more than just love. We might be soulmates but we weren’t meant to be together. Or more precisely, we didn’t choose to be together because we both valued a well-rounded life more than just passionate love.
I realise it’s a much more mature approach to relationships. I’ve learned to assess the ones I have now based on the overall value they add to my life in the short and long run, not just how I momentarily feel.
5. There’s no “the one”; There’s just the most suitable one at a given time.
My soulmate and I were very compatible and we loved each other very much but like any other pair, we still had things we didn’t absolutely like about each other. Soulmates don’t mean things will be perfect. There’s no perfect.
With anyone, there will always be things we don’t completely like about them, and it’s normal. There’s no one person that would fulfil us 100% all the time throughout our lives as we always change and grow. But there are many people we are compatible with in different ways to different degrees whom we could build successful relationships with.
All relationships are different. The good ones might similarly be founded on shared values and life goals but their flavours are never the same as each individual bring their own characters and chemistry to the relationship. We can’t compare them to pick out this “The One” and expect it will solve all life problems.