There are many, many ways I can tell my fiance loves me, but when we were dating, I remember a few distinct moments when I felt loved and I knew I wasn’t alone.
One time, I felt anxious. It was a few months in. I didn’t know how to explain it to him. I told him I was going out for a walk alone. It was late at night. He was very worried and didn’t want me to go.
But I left anyway.
After some thinking, I came back home. And, to my surprise, he wasn’t there.
I couldn’t find my phone either.
Then, after a few moments, I heard the front door open.
He came in, calling for me while looking so genuinely sad and concerned, without realising I was watching him from upstairs.
I didn’t say anything yet because I felt something strange at that moment. It dawned on me that he was vulnerable and I had the power to hurt him.
As it turned out, he had gone after me, bringing my phone to hand me in case something happened. But he’d taken the wrong turn. He ended up going to the supermarket nearby to ask for me like looking for a lost family member.
Throughout our relationship, he’s always been overly concerned about my safety, and while at times I scrunch up my face at his never-ending warning “careful…”, I love that so much. It’s exactly how I identify love.
When we walk on the street, he’s my shield. He watches the roads for me. He always drives carefully. He’s incredibly reliable and stable, not just with me, but with everyone in his life. Being with him is the safest place I’ve been.
Another way I can tell he loves me is how available and patient he is to me.
I’ll never forget the weekend we were supposed to go on a vacation but it all turned south on my side.
While we were at the hotel, I got bad family news and became completely lost in it. While I was crying my eyes out with my sisters on the phone, having no energy left for my partner (boyfriend at the time), he stayed quietly by my side, letting me be.
He gave me his presence without asking for anything. He got me food and snacks. He comforted me. After we got home and I got on the phone again, he cooked for me, left a plate of food near me, and surprised me the next day with flowers. My family situation was hell, but afterward, I realised how easier it was made by his support and presence. I wasn’t alone. He was there for me.
He tells me, don’t worry, we’re a team. And he always plans for the two of us.
And he’s doing all this on top of doing everything else… like proposing with a gorgeous diamond ring and saying I love you every day, like doing all the hard things for me and putting my comfort first, like giving me massages and endless cuddles, like supporting my career and believing in me more than I do myself, and like being a kind, funny, intelligent, and all-around awesome human being.
Being loved and feeling safe in that love is very gratifying. And powerful.
Being the centre of someone’s universe, knowing you can hurt them too, is very precious. And also powerful.
This love has changed me for the better. I feel like a different person with a different frame of mind and clear rights and wrongs because now I have a partner holding a mirror for me and encouraging me to be the best version of myself.
In a few months, we’ll be married. I don’t know all that the future holds, but I know I’ll move forward from a place of love and security.