How Tantra Can Help Deepen Your Connection with Your Partner

I discovered Tantra by accident.

One afternoon during an erotic sexual liaison with my partner, my breathing became constricted as I neared orgasm. I was about to collapse into unconsciousness, oxygen nowhere to be found.

Realizing I was about to keel over, my lover secured my attention and locked eyes with mine, beginning to breathe with me, consciously, deliberately, and slowly. The energetic connection between us allowed me to take in a gulp of air and focus on my lover’s direction.

Together, we breathed deeply… in and out. We synchronized our inhale and exhale as if coordinating intricate dance steps. I felt the concentration and direction of the energy passed back and forth between us.

This redirection of focus took the sexual energy that was constricting my breath and conscious mind and sent that energy slowly back into all the other parts of my body that were feeling numb or lacking oxygen.

I had done what so many of us do when we are overcome with the sensations of arousal.

I had tightened the muscles of my body and held my breath at the peak of sensation. Often due to societal conditioning and in some cases trauma, we tend to tense, tighten, and freeze when we are overcome with feelings of sexual arousal. This constricts our sexual energy into one area of our body.

Allowing the sexual energy to flow slowly, with deliberate breaths, helps expand that pleasure and allows the control over it, directing it where we want it to flow, as it fills the whole body. This also ensures we receive adequate oxygen.

The energy we felt surging between the two of us began to flow back and forth, slowly and carefully. We rode waves of pleasure together as if carried through the ocean. The peak would come and we would slow our bodies in sync, and breathe deeply, and feel the pleasure course through us. We allowed it to roll through us again, over and over.

We breathed. Deeply, slowly. Together. Connected.

When we decided to let this energy reach its completion, we continued to breathe and released it simultaneously. Orgasm was a release of the peak of energy, our bodies directed together. The orgasms were otherworldly and lasted longer than usual, for we had experienced waves of conscious pleasure coursing through our bodies before reaching that peak. In this way, orgasm was not the goal, our mutual pleasure became the focus.

We controlled our sexual energy by allowing it to move through us with each breath.

Every one of the five senses and elements was activated and shared. The peace, euphoria, and energetic connection we experienced brought a sense of tranquility. The emotions that flooded our bodies as we moved and breathed together lasted long after it was over. The emotional connection was mutual and palpable. Together, we felt as if we reached a form of meditative enlightenment. We laid together in the aftermath, feeling the energy subside throughout our bodies, heartbeats, and breath in sync.

“Glorious is the moment we sit in the palace, you and I

Two forms, two faces, but a single soul, you and I

The flowers will blaze and bird cries shower us with immortality

The moment we enter the garden, you and I

All the stars of heaven will run out to gaze at us

As we burn as the full moon itself, you and I

The fire-winged birds of heaven will rage with envy

In that place we laugh ecstatically, you and I

What a miracle, you and I, entwined in the same nest

What a miracle, you and I, one love, one lover, one fire

In this world and the next, in man ecstasy without end”.

-Rumi

I began to wonder, what was this? How was this even possible?

And more importantly, was it possible to feel this way all the time?

Unbeknownst to us at the time, this deliberate control of our shared energy was the practice of Tantra.

In Sanskrit, the word Tantra means loom, warp, weave.

Tantra is a form of energetic mind, body, and emotional connection with yourself or a partner. It can be sexual or not and it can deeply enhance a connection and relationship, alone or with a partner.

During tantric sex, the end goal is not a climax, but the exchange of erotic or sensual energy for connection, healing, or enlightenment. As with all yoga practices, it involves a connection of spirit with the body.

Discovering tantra deepened our emotional, and sexual, connection.

The experience was transcendent, and we had many more of those moments.

I came to enjoy the pleasure for the sake of the feelings we exchanged. When we were able to breathe as one, move as one, and consciously focus on every feeling and sensation, the entire experience itself brought healing and light to every part of our minds and bodies.

In this way, the exchange of energy is both the experience and the goal. As bodies move together, touch, kiss, and glide in sync all that is shared is the energy flowing back and forth in an oxytocin-induced nirvana.

And a side bonus: I had less almost-black-out moments once I discovered the healing bliss of Tantra. It’s amazing what a little more oxygen can do!

I learned tantra is a practice of using breath, movement, and sound to promote deep healing… within my own body, with my relationship to myself, and therefore led to more meaningful moments with my lover.

Self-love is the key to connection and love with another human.

Tantra practices can help facilitate this bonding.

When we are born until the time we die, we all have a universal need to be fulfilled … the need to be seen and connect with other human beings. Tantra allows us to see another person’s soul and to allow ourselves to be seen within an energetic connection that defies physical boundaries and limitations.

Many of us have trauma and pain from situations as early as birth and the preverbal stage. Some of our trauma we are not even aware of on an unconscious level.

I have discovered Tantric practice can facilitate the healing of trauma by helping us reach connection on a deep level.

Tantra is available to anyone willing to try or learn. I discovered it by accident, and now I want to learn everything I can about this blissful soul connection. I want to share it with everyone.

Samskaras and pain hold our sexual response back, and therefore our ability to connect. Tantra can help us unblock areas where we feel stuck on an unconscious level.

Within the practice of tantra, when we open instead of constricting, it helps us to release the energy of grief and trauma trapped in our bodies, so we may find healing, connection, and peace.

For in connecting with ourselves and others in this energetic and heart opening way, Tantra is medicine for our souls.