Moving On is Not Linear, and That’s Okay

We have all had, at some point, to move on from someone. Either after a relationship or because the situation required us to. And we have all more or less had to deal with the struggles that come with this sudden change in our life.

It is hard, a very hard process, if you ask me. And although people promise you it will get better, some days it may feel like it never will.

Some days may feel like you are breathing underwater and as much as you want to come up in search of air, you are simply stuck down there.

Like you can see the surface and you can feel how much you’d like to push through and break the barrier, but somehow the weight of the situation does not allow you to do that — seemingly easy — movement.

So much has been written on the topic and I have heard of so many people talking about getting over someone as a linear process but trust me, if you are struggling with it, you are not alone.

And the process is far from being linear.

There are going to be days where you feel like you are almost there, you have managed to leave it all behind and days that take us about 100 steps back and we feel like we need to start the process all over again.

I am not going to come here and give some magic formula, some secret, that will make the process go faster.

I am just here to say that each and every one of us heals at our own pace, and if you think you feel overall just 0.001% better every day, that is still progress.

Of course, there will be some good days, where you almost forget about the situation but they can be easily followed by days where you feel like the pain is crushing you to the ground.

On those days, you might have to make some adjustments to your routine, like changing the type of music you listen to or putting on a comedy TV show. You might also need to stay away from people on some days and that is totally fine.

As much as we are social animals, we all need some time to ourselves, especially if we are trying to figure things out.

And yes, being around people helps, but not always. So do not feel bad if you still feel sad when you are surrounded by your friends. It’s okay.

Sometimes our emotions trick us and make us associate a particular feeling with a particular person so it is normal that being happy might remind us of someone we used to be very happy around.

More than once I found myself hanging on to those moments of happiness like my life depends on it. I always try to be around people a little longer or to prolong my phone conversations with friends as much as possible.

But as much as being around people helps, it can also drain us of our energies. Especially if you — like me — try to keep a brave face on.

So yes, surround yourself with friends who understand you might not be yourself for a while.

You might not be the life of the party and your smile might crack sometimes, at unexpected times but make sure you are open about your progress with them and do not feel bad for avoiding social settings.

Just please try to remember that we all have different emotional spectrums and we all feel and react to situations differently. So if you are comparing your progress or your situation to someone else’s, chances are they will look different.

And also, as helpful as sharing with friends is, remember you are alone in your healing. And I know it sounds harsh, but that is the simple and raw truth of the matter.

So please, be kind to yourself, give yourself time to heal, and don’t compare your progress with other people’s.

Alessia Denaro

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