Before meeting my future husband, I was never sure If I wanted a serious relationship or marriage.
In hindsight, it was because the people I dated were never good enough for me, meaning we were fundamentally incompatible. I was also not good enough for myself — my life wasn’t where I wanted it to be yet.
Later when my future husband asked me to marry him, I was in a very different place — saying yes felt natural and fulfilling.
In fact, everything we did together felt natural and fulfilling; any future talks were pleasantly expected. There was no question about our love for each other and where we were heading together. We just knew.
We just knew. I know, it’s an annoying thing to hear.
As a single person, you must roll your eyes so hard at that cliche advice, “When you meet the love of your life, you’ll just know” while screaming internally, “But hooooooooow?!”
I was there, and now I know “how.”
The differences between dating my future husband and the guys before him are night and day.
There are two remarkable insights I’ve learned.
When I dated the guys before my future husband, everything was fuzzy one way or the other. Their intention seemed vague, their interest seemed shallow, and our connection seemed hit-and-miss. I was extremely prone to self-sabotaging because, deep down, I wasn’t sure what I wanted either.
They didn’t meet my expectations (i.e. my standards and boundaries) for a serious relationship, and I was too immature and insecure to accept them for who they were. I kept forcing them to play the role of Mr. Right even though they weren’t cut for it. As a result, nothing went the way I wanted, and I was constantly disappointed and anxious.
See, if you’re looking to get married, I might not know who you are or what you specifically want from a husband, but I can tell you for sure that your future husband is NOT two things:
someone who makes you feel confused — in any way, about any matter.
someone whose ideas of love and marriage are wildly different from yours.
Let me break this down for you.
Here’s who your future husband is NOT.
I’ll start from the basics — your future husband is not someone who leaves your texts or calls unanswered for days, who raises your anxiety when he’s not around or gives you reasons to distrust him. He’s not someone whose actions don’t match his words.
Your future husband is not someone who makes rude comments or demeaning jokes about you. He’s not someone who’s stingy with his resources when it comes to you and his loved ones, who barely gives you any compliments or makes little effort to see you.
Your future husband is not someone who keeps you guessing about his level of interest and commitment, who forgets little things you tell him or doesn’t care about impressing you. He won’t stay silent on your birthday, your anniversary, or any special occasions.
Your future husband is definitely not someone who disrespects you, pushes your boundaries, gaslights you, puts his sexual needs before your well-being, or makes you think any less of yourself. You will not have to choose between being with him and your dignity.
Your future husband is 100% not someone who tells you that he’s not looking for anything serious with you, or breaks your heart a million times and still tries to have another chance with you just so he could do it all over again.
He’s not someone who’s absent when you need him the most, or need him for anything at all.
Your future husband is not someone with whom you have to convince yourself to be or can’t think of one rational reason why you should be. He’s not someone who makes your life worse than when you’re single or causes you to google whether his treatment of you is normal or not.
Your future husband is not someone who you meet while you hate yourself. He’s not the answer to every problem you have or the magic ingredient that makes your life worth living again. You won’t find him when you’re still hung up on your ex or have no idea what your values are.
Importantly, your future husband is not someone who doesn’t want to plan the future with you or hesitates to ask you to marry him.
How do I know?
Because your future husband is someone who is sure about you, and he meets your expectations for a loving relationship and marriage.
You’re fundamentally compatible with each other, and you choose each other every single day.
You’ll just know when you meet your future husband because, frankly, you manifest him.
When you put yourself out there, you should already have a clear idea of what you want from a serious relationship and who your partner is at the core.
He’s a very bright reflection of you, your values, and your life goals — trust me, you won’t miss it.
You’ll just know when you meet your future husband because you won’t settle for any less and you know you deserve happiness.
If anyone fails to meet your standards or crosses your boundaries, you won’t let them get anywhere near you. If they damage your well-being in any way, you won’t just walk away — you run (and you block.)
After all, the only way you could just know is by being sure about yourself and what you want.
I’m not saying that everyone who’s married just knew it when they met their future spouse.
But, from my experiences, the people who just do are the ones who know they’re with their best match, and so happiness and fulfillment follow them on their journey.