A Clear Sign A Relationship is Wrong for You: Disharmony

Trigger warning: Suicide

As a student of science, I’m reluctant to say that I think I might have received universe signs, or omen, in the past.

Things most likely just happened by chance, but regardless, certain events seemed odd and gave me this feeling that the person I dated wasn’t quite right for me, and indeed they were disasters!

For example, one time, a man tried to take me to Bali with him.

Just before we were meant to go, the volcano erupted, which hadn’t happened in over 50 years! Needless to say, the plan fell through. Later, I found out that he lied to me about many things. Granted, I was young and naive, and I tried hard to lie to myself, but the volcano eruption made me pause and face my gut feeling that it wasn’t my man.

The universe can sense disharmony and it will stop you, I superstitiously thought.

A year later, while I was still trying to get over that guy, I met someone else. This is the person who finally sent me to therapy and led me to turn my life around.

I think I also received some clear omen.

Back then, I was living with a flatmate. When I took him to my flat for the first time late in the night, he used her toilet, and somehow she woke up with her boyfriend and got very annoyed at that ex. It had never happened before. And I could already tell there was a sense of disharmony there.

After about a month of seeing each other, I felt very dissatisfied with the relationship, but couldn’t tell why.

I still remember it was a Thursday evening when it happened. I came across the news of a young woman committing suicide. She was just 2 years older than me.

My heart sank. I burst into tears when I was riding the bus alone.

This is what I later wrote about the woman, “It was 7 pm when I first found you. I was standing in the middle of a busy London street, feeling disassociated from my surroundings. It was disturbing to watch the cold, indifferent faces passing me by. Life became both blurry and suddenly precious.”

I felt empty. And it struck me that my relationship at the time made me feel like death. And I wanted more from life.

I listened to a song in the playlist she left behind, and I wrote, “I feel less scared. I feel okay. I’m practically in London by myself, navigating this life all on my own, and I think I will be okay.

I’ve had so many blah relationships that I’m not confident I would see till the end, and I think I will be okay. I haven’t got one to love me, and I think I will be okay. I feel sad sometimes, and I think I will be okay.”

I related to a stranger who had just taken her own life because I was practically killing myself in my own reality, tying myself to a guy who didn’t get me. He made me feel like I was shallow and invisible.

It took a long time to face that truth, but at that moment, I was told.

I knew I wanted more.

“I just realised that I’m the opposite of numb. I think so much. I feel so much I could explode at some point. Maybe I will. Then I just hope there are people who will witness it with me, and maybe write about it.”

Those “universe signs” might be random, but they definitely stood out and made me take a hard look at my life. In those moments, I found my truths, and it pushed me to do better for myself.

I used to be scared of my anxiety and my emotions, but I’ve learned that they are actually my guardian angels and I’ve got to trust myself. They’ve always given me excellent guidance if I listen carefully enough.

When I met my fiance, I knew he is the one for me because my heart is at peace. There’s harmony throughout my body and soul.

It’s very different.

It’s the kind of love that I wish everyone could experience.

I’ve been with him for more than two years and somehow he has found a way to love me more each day.

When he looks at me, he sees so many things that I probably can’t even see. But I see love and adoration in his eyes. I find a best friend in him. I feel seen, heard, and cared for from the tiniest things.

I always thought I was alone and weird as an INFJ Cancer woman, but I couldn’t believe that I have met someone who is so in sync with me and so in love with me.

I’m grateful that I didn’t give up on myself because it has allowed me to go on to live the life I have now, something that I didn’t think would be possible.

So I remember to keep going.

I think omens are everywhere, but you have to listen to them. And know that the universe is watching out for you.

You’ll be okay.