Can’t Afford Therapy? Use Journalling to Overcome Insecurity

Insecurity has been my main issue, and I couldn’t maintain any relationships for more than six months — until a couple of years back.

I remember I was upset when my boyfriend went out for a walk. I couldn’t help but thinking maybe he’ll check out some other girls at the park, or perhaps a prettier girl will say hello, and they become close. I didn’t know what I was thinking. It’s only now when I look back; all those things didn’t make any sense.

I’m lucky my partner is very understanding and supporting me in seeking help. I notice it’s important to be with someone who wants to get to know you even at that deep level where you could call it your dark side because the last thing you want to have is someone who is ignorant and makes you even more insecure.

My story

I grew up surrounded by so not unhealthy environment. My father was abusive and constantly cheated on my mother. He was also barely at home, so when he passed away when I was ten years old, to be frankly honest, I didn’t feel less.

After that, my mother’s love life didn’t seem to get better. She married a younger man and got divorced after a year. Her family was pissed and left her alone in the dark for so many years.

I pretty much got used to the idea that healthy, stable relationships do not exist.

Though I wanted to believe in it, my environment didn’t let me, and it’s tough to change when that’s all you knew and saw.

As expected, most of my relationship fails due to the unresolved childhood issues that I ignored until I hit my mid-twenties. Even then, I didn’t see clearly what the problems are.

Journaling helped me collect and put it all together.

Journal your thoughts

I always keep a diary since I was a kid. I would write down everything — all the “secrets” that your parents shouldn’t know, I put them all. To avoid any findings from my mother, I’d usually lock it and leave it under my bed.

Journaling your thoughts can be freeing. It gives you a sense of freedom, but at the same time, when you read what you wrote, you’ll gain some understandings of yourself and your thoughts.

Overcome insecurity in relationships

Here are some of the things I did to become a less insecure girlfriend and finally hold my romantic relationships together:

  • Track your thoughts by writing down how you feel, especially after an argument or something big happens in your relationship.

  • Take 10 minutes per day to write down what do you like in your partner.

  • When the insecurity creeps in, ask yourself why? And write down whatever comes into your mind.

  • List at least five new things you want to try that have nothing to do with your relationship.

  • Stay in tune with yourself by having a brain dump page where you can write about anything you want and use it as a tool to make you feel better.

Find your pattern

Do you always have trust issues no matter where he goes/what he does, or does it only happen on some occasions/places? Do you have a hard time accepting compliments from your partner because you don’t think you are beautiful?

If you do journaling long enough, it’s easy to see your pattern.

I found out my main issue was on the trust issue and my quick assumption about something that’s only in my head.

I also mistakenly believed that if it’s a working relationship, it should make you feel good all the time.

Even in a healthy relationship, people still have arguments, and sometimes it’s indeed good to disagree so we can see each other points of view and find out each additional issue.

I wouldn’t realize any of these patterns if I didn’t put my thoughts on a piece of paper every day.

Parting words

A relationship is complicated and takes a lot of effort to make work. We all have this baggage from our childhood and a recent event that we need to solve.

Ignoring it will only make it worse.

If you can’t afford to go into therapy as I do, journaling can be the first take you can take. It’s free, and all you need is 15 minutes a day to sit down and check-in with yourself.

See how you feel in your current relationship and dig deeper into feelings that make you feel uncomfortable.

It may take a long time to understand and find your patterns, but it’s better than not doing anything about it at all, right?

We all want to love and be loved because, deep down, we believe that a healthy, loving relationship exists.

“As your insecurity becomes nourished, our relationship becomes poisoned.” ― Dr. Steve Maraboli.

Anggun Bawi

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