How to Stop Getting Emotionally Attached Too Quickly

You probably have that one friend who is overly excited and talking about the same guy 24/7 and before you knew it, one month later she came back to you and said they are in an exclusive relationship.

I hate to admit that I was that type of girl back then. It was embarrassing, disappointing and, on top of that, I was just being disrespectful to myself.

It literally didn’t take much effort to make me fall hard head over heels especially when I felt like the guy was 100% my type. Looking back, I wish I could take time as much as I need and not rush or even be obsessed with making it “official”.

If you happen to have the same habit as I did, I highly recommended starting to work early on changing it. Because you don’t want to be like me who took years to realize it and by the time I did, my heart was too broken already.

But why do you tend to get attached too soon in the first place?

According to research, only 60–65% percent of people who feel secure in their adult relationships and the rest are having difficulty to find a loving and healthy one. And this habit of getting attached too soon is one of the major reasons why we might end up in a toxic relationship.

This mostly caused by the childhood trauma you have. There must be unresolved problems you haven’t addressed yet. That’s why if you had a lack of attention from your parents when you were a kid, it’s easy for you to get attached too soon with someone who gives you attention when you are older.

How do you avoid getting attached too soon?

There are ways that you can definitely try to make yourself feel more secure, independent, and in control over your own emotions. I would say to work on it just one step at a time to avoid being overwhelmed along the way.

1. Avoid talking about the future of the relationship

I know this is so tempting but please don’t — No matter how much you like the person.

You might think this will give you a higher chance to be exclusive with them but most likely quite the opposite will happen instead. When you just met the person, especially within months, it’s best to use all the time to get to know each other first.

So the best approach to this is to keep the conversation casual. Because the last thing you want to happen is find yourself stuck in a relationship with someone you don’t really know of.

2. Set boundaries and don’t open up about everything — just yet

I used to do this — a lot.

I didn’t wait to see whether the guy I just met can be trusted or not and just went all the way. Before I knew it, I told him everything about my life and left no room for mystery.

Now I realized how important it is to set boundaries early on and only open up when you feel comfortable, not because you have to. Because once the words are out, there’s nothing you can do to take them back.

3. Avoid investing too much at the beginning

Canceling your appointments with your best friends because they just called a minute ago saying they wanna see you? A big no-no.

Dropping everything for the person you like, especially at the beginning will only send a signal to them that whatever is in your calendar, they aren’t important enough.

So avoid doing this early and keep doing whatever you need to do with your life. This will also let the person you like know that you have a life outside your relationship.

4. Get clear with what you need in a relationship

Before you get so caught up with the idea of wanting to be exclusive, write down all the things that you need when you are in a relationship.

What you need, not what you want.

Do you need someone who respects you? do they need to be as ambitious as you? Are you okay with all the flaws you saw so far? Get clear with those thoughts first so you can be aware of your own expectations as well.

5. Do a reality check every now and then

It doesn’t hurt to do a reality check when you feel like you have invested too much or your boundaries aren’t being stepped on. This is the time for you to see whether this new person worth your time and energy in the long run.

Ask yourself questions like; “am I still being myself?” or “Do I revolve my life around this person?”. These such questions will help you not lose yourself and just in case something unpleasant happens, you will have the courage to walk away from the situation.

Parting words

Being in a relationship is hard. It’s full of challenges and sometimes we need to put more effort in order to work out. While getting attached too soon might still get you in a new relationship, it won’t be healthy in the long run because you put the wrong foundations.

So do whatever you can to stop you from getting attached too soon and work on yourself until you are confident, secure and fully know what you deserve in a relationship.

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