I would like to think I’m a deep soul, but when I was in my early twenties, my choice of partners was frustratingly superficial.
I figured that, while some parts of me had matured, many other parts were still naive and weak.
I knew what I should do, but I never did it. I fell for first impressions and instant gratifications. I cared more about having fun for an evening than serving my long-term interest.
Being attached to the wrong people for superficial reasons while having a deep, sensitive soul is a surefire way to torture yourself.
I couldn’t help but see a clear gap between what I had — empty self, empty relationships — and what I deep down yearned for — a true connection. I didn’t know how to bridge this gap or if it was even possible for me.
As a single person, you’re often promised that you’ll eventually meet the love of your life, “the one”, or your “match.” But how do you know? Will you meet them? What if such a person doesn’t exist?
I was never one to fantasize about a wedding. I thought I would be single for a very long time, maybe even forever. It was scary at first, but then I learned to build a relationship with myself and I felt okay about it.
Instinctually, I knew starting with me was my best chance at living my best life, whether I was with a partner or not.
So I started to really enjoy myself and decided to get out there again to share my bliss with others.
And then I met him.
See, meeting him wasn’t the end of my journey with me: I didn’t learn to love myself just so I could find a partner.
I learned to love myself, and I met a partner. These two things co-exist. He’s a companion on my journey with me.
Anyway, I met him, and, today, I feel deeply grateful for being able to love someone — him — for everything he is. It’s a true connection.
Love used to be something very abstract and farfetched to me, but now it’s as clear as day. It’s as solid as a marriage proposal and an engagement ring or as small as a meal brought to bed while I’m occupied with my writing.
Love is something I can touch, smell, hear, see, taste, and muse over happily in my writing. Love is reliable and safe.
It’s because the person next to me always makes me feel loved, respected, cared for, inspired, and filled. He makes my life many times easier and better. He brings my heart so much joy and peace.
As someone who’s been away from my birth country for a long time, I’m especially grateful for the security he gives me.
Sometimes I feel like I’m part of a secret club.
There are so many benefits to this club that people don’t talk about, and I don’t want to talk about them either. It’s because it’s not like you can get in this club just because you want or try to — there’s no guarantee.
And you shouldn’t want to get in just for the sake of getting in. Even if you’re in, every “membership package” is different, so there’s no point in comparing them. Anyway, you’re free to enjoy your benefits privately.
I’m happy that my “membership package” is built around loving someone for who they are and being loved back the same way.
It’s the kind of thing that makes you glad you’re here, and it wonderfully harmonizes your heart and mind at last. It empowers and enables you. It’s the soil in which beautiful flowers can blossom every season regardless of the weather they face.
Let me tell you a little story before I go.
As part of our check-in, I asked my partner what some of the things I did that he loved were, thinking I would do more of them for him.
And he said, “When you drink your bubble tea…”
I was confused, “Why?”
Usually, at weekends, he would take these really long walks to pick up bubble tea for me. He explained with a smile, “Because you look so happy drinking it.”
I was, once again, reminded that this man prioritised my happiness and he showed it every day.