Break up is hard. No matter how emotionally and mentally strong you claim yourself to be, there will be times where you don’t even have hope for the future anymore — especially when the relationship was special to you.
Research has shown that not only a breakup can cause emotional distress, it can also cause physical changes such as weight loss or weight pain.
I remember when I experienced my first break up, I was…of course, devastated. I was fine during the day because I had people around me, but when the night came by I cried my eyes out and felt hopeless.
“I can’t keep doing this to myself, I need to make some changes”. I told myself.
So after one full month of grief, I decided to do something. Five days later, I quit my job in the city, packed my stuff, and moved to Bali. It’s still one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life.
If you’ve been through a break up recently, the first thing that I highly recommend you to do is to make changes in your life. Cut your hair, do something you’ve never done before, travel solo, switch careers, and take on new projects, anything! By doing so you’ll realize that life isn’t that bad and there is definitely something you still can be grateful for.
1. The freedom to plan your future
If you used to include your partner in your future plans (which is a normal thing to do when you are in a relationship), guess what? You don’t have to anymore. You are free to decide what you wanna do in life without taking somebody else’s feelings and opinions into consideration.
For me, this fact is liberating because sometimes we reach that point where we can’t be on the same page with our partner anymore. For example, my ex always wanted me to stay in town and there’s no way I could move out somewhere new because of his job being tied with the government. Meanwhile, I never wanted to stuck in one place and I had the need to travel as much as I can.
So you see, the breakup can be bliss too if we want to see it that way. Not only now I get to decide wherever I want to live, but I also no longer have this baggage of carrying somebody’s feelings if I want to make a big change in my life.
2. There’s no room for drama
Who likes being caught up in a drama right? No one does. But somehow when you are in a relationship, it’s something you can’t avoid. From small things like deciding a place to eat, to a big problem such as moving in together.
Whether we like it or not, the drama will be there. It takes a lot of work from both parties to make it stable and healthy. I found myself feeling so drained emotionally even when the drama is necessary to happen so we can address the real issue.
So when the breakup happens, experiencing a drama-free life can be exciting. No more crying your eyes out, no more fighting, and no more energy wasted on trying to understand what’s happening.
3. Having your best friends back
Are you usually the type of person who tends to neglect your best friends when you are in a relationship? If you are then it’s the best time to rekindle the friendships again.
This happens a lot to some people who are lack time management and to be honest with you, I used to be one of those people. While I didn’t necessarily want to neglect them, I still couldn’t manage my time better to stay in touch with my friends. The relationship, work, and not mentioning my family took a lot of energy already.
So having some friends around can also help you heal faster from the breakup. You are free to let it all out, cry on their shoulder, then laugh with them while doing window-shopping. It’s one of the best feelings to have and most importantly, it’s gonna make you less lonely during the breakup phase.
4. It’s the best time to work on yourself
For a long time, I used to be insecure when I was in a relationship. I still am but I’m at this point where I can control my own emotions when needed. This is because I worked hard on myself during the breakup phase. I learned how to be happy without the need to have a man by my side and it’s indeed easier said than done.
When you always start a new relationship soon after you break up with someone, you leave no room for you to learn about yourself. It’s like adding new problems while you haven’t even worked on the old problems you get from the previous relationship.
I know it can be tempting to find someone new as soon as possible and get involved in a new relationship again because honestly, that lonely feeling is sometimes unbearable. But you also need to remind yourself that this is the best time for you to work on your underlying issues. Whether it’s your insecurity, trust issues, or your struggle to put yourself first.
5. You get to experience new things
When we are going through a breakup, we tend to forget that life isn’t all about relationships. There are so many more exciting fun things you can do out there and you’ll never know if you don’t try.
I’ve had a hard time moving on from my ex and as a result, even though I’ve moved to Bali it still took me a couple of months to fully recover and feel excited again about life. So I started with something small like going to new places alone and start a new hobby.
Experiencing new things can be a luxury when you have spent your whole life being in a relationship. Now that you no longer in it, you can start trying out different things that life has offered. Doing this will not only help you get your confidence back, but you’ll also have an opportunity to find a better match for you in the future.
6. You become stronger emotionally and mentally
Lots of people who have been through a breakup will agree that it’s indeed one of the life-changing moments which at the same time has helped them to become stronger emotionally and mentally.
I know I am because when you get heartbroken, and then you worked your ass off to pick yourself up, you no longer feel scared of losing somebody that badly. Even if it happens again in the future, deep down you know you’ll be okay. You’ve been through it before.
I know it’s not easy to see this point yet, oftentimes you’ll only realize it when you have moved on completely. There’s this free feeling inside you that you can’t even explain but deep down you know you can conquer everything life throws at you.
7. You become closer than ever to your family
Most of us tend to go back to our family when things get rough in life. They make us feel safe. They make us feel no matter how big the problem is, we aren’t alone because they are always there for us.
However, we also tend to spend less time with them when we are in a relationship. I remember the moment I came back home after a rough breakup, there’s this guilty feeling inside me that I didn’t spend as much time as I could with my family and instead, I was so caught up trying to make my relationship work.
If you’ve been away from your family for too long, maybe it’s time you come back and reconnect. Being with them can help you reduce the pain and hopefully it’ll change the way you think about your life in general — that after all, you aren’t losing everything.
Most people see a breakup as a curse. They can’t handle the pain of being alone again and before they knew it, they are stuck in a new relationship that doesn’t make them happy.
But some people see it as a blessing because of several reasons I mentioned above. And I’m telling you, a breakup isn’t the worst thing and there are definitely things you can be grateful for if you take a closer look at it.
“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”
— Dalai Lama