When a woman sleeps with a man, she doesn’t just want to sleep with the man — she would like him to thrust deep inside her that unquestionable beauty of his manhood, his surging testosterone level, and every tiny detail that makes him a man.
His jawline. His eyes. His voice. The way he is on top of her, locking her in between his two strong arms and gives her that cocky half-smile that drives her nuts. Or at times, he would sit back and let her play with him, using him however she wants while knowing that it’s only a matter of time till he would pin her down and exert his power all over her again.
She would let herself be a helpless creature that needs his protection, affection, and attention. She would want to devote to him, please him, and make him feel good. The fact that this man is present with her right now would be enough to make her all aroused.
And that’s what makes the sex feel so good.
She could be herself and she could be a woman. She could stay in sync with the animal instincts in her, having wild fun experimenting with her womanhood.
But it’s only this good if — before a woman sleeps with a man — she could adore him in the most human way possible.
That is, she values his dignity, integrity, decency, and trustworthiness. She is sure he’s a reliable and humble man whose words have meaning and weight. Importantly, he has as much respect for her as she does for him.
When she sits down with him, listens to him, and shares with him more about her, she doesn’t feel judged, attacked, or less of a human. She knows he treats her right, no matter what kind of purpose their encounter reveals.
He’s a real man, and she has all of him inside her — it’s the most electrifying thought.
Then again, it’s only that good if the woman is self-assured and intentional.
She knows exactly what she’s getting herself into, and she doesn’t have a higher expectation than what reality can deliver. Her self-esteem and self-respect are abundantly intact.
She is aware that sometimes when a woman sleeps with a man, it is what it is.
She takes as much pleasure from his touch as he does from hers. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything more or less.
She feels liberated, alive, and euphoric — just what she wants when she fantasizes about casual sex.
However, sadly, many women’s experiences have shown her that it is indeed a fantasy.
Casual sex has never been a fair game.
When a woman meets a strange man for sex without love and commitment, she exposes herself to a series of risks, many of which could lead to damaging consequences for life.
She couldn’t possibly know, after a handful of meetings, whether he’s truly a respectful and kind man that’s deserving of her vulnerability and intimacy.
If she has sex purely for physical pleasure, she has little reason to believe a man who has no knowledge of her body and cares nothing about her as a person would be able to give her the pleasure she deserves.
Here’s the frank truth.
Casual sex isn’t a good deal for women.
When a woman says she wants casual sex, what she really wants is to have a safe space to explore herself and enjoy her orgasms without the weight of her love hormones — it’s about her bodily needs.
In reality, what a woman often gets when she has casual sex is guilt, shame, emotional wounds, an aching body, and wasted time.
Modern dating culture makes it hard for a woman to admit that she is not okay about “casual sex” as it is—an arrangement that, by default, benefits men more than women. She feels the pressure to be “cool” enough to override her emotional wiring and move on as though nothing happened.
But an intimate act did happen, and her feelings need to be validated.
If she has even one negative feeling, she needs to ask herself why and remind herself that she doesn’t have to accept a situation that doesn’t work for her.
Next time, she could demand exactly what she wants and keep looking until someone is willing and able to give it to her. Or find herself in a type of relationship that prioritises her needs.
When a woman says she wants casual sex, she means in a world where women and men are the same and equal.
Then she remembers that such a world doesn’t exist for her. What is it that she’s really bargaining? She wonders.