As someone who took the vetting process seriously and is now getting married to a man who treats me like his queen, I know a thing or two about green flags.
I see them in action every day and in other healthy, committed relationships around me too.
Here are 15 green flags to look for in a man if you’re looking to get married.
1. He respects you, your choices, and your boundaries.
He treats you like he would treat his mother or sister: with the utmost respect.
If you express your feeling or preference about anything at all, he listens to you, makes notes, and takes action on them. He takes your words seriously and he encourages you to be true to yourself.
2. He’s kind to people around him, even those who don’t benefit him.
He’s good to you not because he has an agenda with you but because it’s who he is.
He treats people around him with respect and care. He’s polite to service people. He’s a feminist. He does not have gross patriarchal views.
3. He’s close with his family.
Not everyone is lucky enough to grow up in a functional, happy home, but it’s a good sign if he’s close to his family members, and he values the family bonds.
Even better, his mother is a feminist and his parents have shown him good examples of a healthy relationship.
4. He takes care of you before you even have to ask.
He understands your needs and finds ways to meet them without you even having to ask him.
It’s because he pays attention to you. He can tell if you’re worried about something. He remembers it when you mention something. He observes you and does his best to make your life easier or better accordingly. In other words, he’s emotionally intelligent!
5. His intention is clear and his effort is consistent.
He brings on his A-game (while being authentic) throughout and beyond the courtship. He makes sure you feel extra loved and valued on special occasions.
He’s there for you like a best friend does. He never makes you doubt his interest in you or your place in his life. He shows his serious intention with you through both words and actions.
6. He supports your career.
Your career is important to him.
It means he makes it as easy as possible for you to do your job and cheers you on when you need to make an important decision at work.
It means he picks up the chores more than usual when you need to hit a deadline; he makes decisions that give equal weight to both of your careers, and he’s proud of you and he lets you know that all the time.
7. He listens.
When you talk, especially about the things you’re interested in and knowledgable of, he gives you his undivided attention, and he learns from you.
He doesn’t question your expertise, belittles your interests, or interrupt you. He waits for you to finish and asks you thoughtful questions.
8. He treats people close to you well.
He’s respectful and kind to your friends, family, and your pets.
He cares for them like they’re his own. He goes out of his way to help them when they’re in need. Especially if you’re family-oriented, he doesn’t try to compete with your family for time or separate you from your family.
9. He comforts you without making it about himself.
When you feel bad or anxious, or even if you get into a fight, he puts your well-being and happiness before being right. He checks on you and tries to make you feel better.
He doesn’t tell you to calm down or that you’re overthinking. He makes you feel safe to let out your feelings and he doesn’t use your vulnerability against you.
10. He’s patient with you.
When you have a low moment or shut down, he doesn’t take it personally. He lets you be and tries to understand why you’re the way you are instead of shaming or attacking you.
He gives you time and space and is there when you need him.
11. He’s generous with you.
He gives you what you need and what you know you deserve: his time, his love, his affection, his efforts, and his investments.
You should be so loved and cared for that you have plenty of positive energy to give to the things you enjoy doing and your loved ones.
12. He treasures you and prioritises you.
He makes sure you know that you’re important and precious to him and that his words have weight. He does not do anything that risks losing you.
He takes into account your thoughts and feelings when he makes a decision. Spending time with you should come before his other plans when you’re in a committed relationship.
13. He chooses you every day.
He makes a conscious effort to be loving and caring towards you. He shows his commitment to you and your relationship through simple things such as making concrete plans for the future.
Even when it’s hard, he doesn’t just shut down and leaves you alone in the relationship. He works with you as a team.
14. He’s an inspiration to you.
He’s thriving outside of the relationship. The things he does in his own life genuinely impress you. He doesn’t get lazy as time passes. He keeps showing up and making himself the best possible partner for you.
15. He meets your needs in bed!
He cares about your pleasure and makes you orgasm. He doesn’t make you do anything you don’t want to. He’s a giver.
Ultimately, these green flags point to one thing: someone who wants you wholeheartedly and is capable of building a relationship with you.
When it comes to traits, the most important one to look for is emotional intelligence. If a man has high emotional intelligence, he will do well in his own life and he will do well in his relationships. This is well backed up by research.
It goes without saying that you should bring the same to the table. To have a quality relationship, you will need to be a quality partner yourself. It’s worth it.