4 Ways to Stop Anxiety From Ruining Your Relationship

Have you got that one moment where you could feel your anxiety level goes up and you don’t know what to do? If you think you were about to go crazy and had a major breakdown, I can assure you that you aren’t alone.

I’m not saying that feeling is normal, but even the most secure woman feels it once in a while.

In 2019, I was in this constant state of being great one day and feeling like everything falls apart the next day. As a result, my relationship didn’t do well, and my partner and I decided to split.

Though we got back together, I wish I worked on myself harder than letting it just happen, ruined my long-term relationship. It was heartbreaking and took a long time to heal.

I’m not fully healed yet, and I still have anxiety about my current relationship from time to time. It’s just something that I had to learn how to deal with better. Below are things that I practically do daily to calm myself down and got me back on track:

1. Be brutally honest with yourself

Isn’t it funny how being honest with ourselves is one of the hardest things to do? Practically, we need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart conversation. But many people don’t do it because they are too scared.

They are scared to have a reality check, especially in a relationship where it’s just so easy to blame the other person when the anxiety kicks in.

So the next time you feel anxious, having different crazy thoughts that might cause a massive fight with your partner, try to be brutally honest with yourself. Put them in your journal if you can.

“Why do I feel this way? What triggered it in the first place? If I’m honest, what’s the best thing I can do right now?” These are the questions that you can ask during the time you talk with yourself.

I find this method helps me dealing with the uncomfortable feelings on my own first rather than coming to my partner right away and expecting him to make me feel better about it.

2. Redirect your energy into something else

When you focus too much on your relationship, you’ll become more anxious. Because have this expectation to control it, and we all know when you leave no space to breathe, let alone grow.

Asking questions like, “Is he still into me? what can I do better to make this relationship more interesting? am I still good enough for him?” will get you nowhere. You’ll be stuck in a rabbit hole.

The only way to get out is to put all the focus and energy back into your own life. When was the last time you did something outside your relationship that you feel proud of? If you don’t know the answer, then it’s time to leap.

3. Practice self-affirmations words

I used to think daily self-affirmations is a joke. I was uncomfortable praising myself in front of the mirror every day, first thing in the morning. But then, when I hit that rock bottom and questioned my worth in the relationship a lot more than usual, I knew I had to give it a try. I mean, I had nothing to lose.

And that’s when my life changed. Practising affirmations words help me acknowledge my worth. It’s like a reminder when you feel like you aren’t good enough for your partner.

There are good qualities in you that your partner values. That’s why they are with you at the moment. As hard as for you to see sometimes, it’s still essential that you acknowledge it yourself. You can’t depend on someone’s else assurance all the time. You need to find ways to make yourself better.

Affirmation words can be beneficial to erase your anxiety. Start with saying words that describe you best and what you value the most in yourself. We all like giving compliments to others but find it hard to give them to ourselves.

Why? Because we are too afraid people might call us “narcissistic”? No way. We have the right to hype ourselves up when we feel like the world is crumbling. It’s the only way we’ll keep having hope for the future.

4. Don’t play the comparison game

One day I looked at this Instagram couple who is just perfect. They constantly push each other to be the best version of themselves, and it’s inspiring to see.

The old me would compare my relationship with theirs. I know it sounds stupid now, but that’s where the anxiety level sometimes can go up.

Comparing your relationship with others won’t make it any better. Girls say it all the time that when they are gathering, they “wish” their man is like this or like that. Just because your partner doesn’t give you flowers or get your chocolates, that doesn’t mean he has no love for you.

We often forget that people have their way of expressing their love to us, and our job is to accept it as it is.

Parting words

Anxiety is something you can’t just ignore. In most cases, the more you try to push them under the rug, the more they’ll get bigger and bigger; before you know it, it explodes at a random time.

So it’s essential to be aware of it as early as possible. If you think that those practices don’t help you feel any better, it’s time to seek professional help. Therapy might not be one of the most affordable things globally, but if your relationship is important enough for you, you’ll invest.

On a side note, you aren’t entirely doing this for your relationship. You are doing a huge favour for yourself, although it’s hard to see it now. Because at the end of the day, you can’t expect someone else to do the fix. You are the one in charge of your mental health.